I'm taking a break from Facebook. I'm not even posting this to my page, so if you happened upon this...you're just smarter that 89% of what I've been dealing with. Congrats.
I've received more than a few calls and texts as to why I did this and how long it's going to last.
Let me start with the latter.... I'm not sure, but it could last a very long time.
The next answer is a little trickier. The simple answer is: I HAVE HAD ENOUGH.
I am sick to death of reading every thought that people have, every damn move they've made. I am exhausted by the lack of creativity. I'm bored by the prospect of seeing one more time how you're potty training, or what you're having for dinner, how much you love Starbucks, that the laundry is piling up while you sit on facebook not doing it. I DON'T CARE. Nobody else does, either... they just won't say it.
I refuse to acknowledge the "Repost this if you blah blah blah" or the quizzes that seem to determine people and their self-worth. You're tired? You worked on your day off? It's not fair? The kids are wild? You slept too long and you can't believe it? SHUT. UP.
here's a little observation:
Everybody is tired. you're not special because of it.
Everybody works... if not at a job, then at home. Everybody has laundry and dishes and vacuuming
Everybody eats, and watches TV.
There's enough bland in this world. There's more than enough drama. Does a simple social network need to add to it?
Think off the cuff. Life is outrageous. To be funny is to be real. to observe. to see things differently.
Until I can go on to Facebook and not want to punch people.... I'm off. I've already gone through and hit at least 50 people that bore me to tears, I couldn't delete them.... i do have a heart.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Thursday, November 11, 2010
back to regularly scheduled Jen
I adore the male species. All of them. I love the way a testosterone fueled mind functions. It doesn’t matter tall or short, simple or complex, nerdy or sexy (mostly nerds are SUPER sexy), married, single, funny, serious, brilliant, average… Even the ones that can’t put socks in hampers. I love that males think different, act different, talk different than females. I could pick a guys brain for days.
However, if you EVER whine like the 40 year old man that I heard tonight, I will personally rip of what’s left of your balls, stomp on them, and throw them back in your purse where they should have been in the first place.
Moral- don’t be a bitch.
However, if you EVER whine like the 40 year old man that I heard tonight, I will personally rip of what’s left of your balls, stomp on them, and throw them back in your purse where they should have been in the first place.
Moral- don’t be a bitch.
Closing Chapters
I think the hardest part about closing a chapter on a relationship where you sorely underestimated someone’s character, is wondering if you’ll make that mistake again.
Instead of trying to understand the mistakes, the faults, the who did what, and the who are we going to blame, I’m trying to take away the things that made the relationship worthwhile in the first place.
I am usually a very good judge of character, and I don’t typically allow those who would prove to be not worth my time, past my front door.
I will be friends with just about anyone, but I will not allow those relationships to go past a certain point unless I feel it’s been earned, and the respect is mutual.
I am using this post as the last chance to say I am no longer going to let what has happened turn me into the person that I was starting to become. I am not an angry person, I am one of the craziest and out-going people you will ever encounter. I am not a revengeful person, I don’t seek to destroy others in my quest for coming out on top. I don’t believe in dragging people through the mud to fulfill my own agenda of hate.
And I’m not the type to use anything other than truth when I’m forced to reason with those who may seem unable to be reasoned with.
I am a happy person.
everyone has a reason for what they do.
I may never know that reason, but I will be able to walk away knowing that my own character wasn’t tarnished, and I have nothing to be ashamed of.
So with this, I close a chapter on a portion of my 30’s and hopefully start over with a clean slate.
Knowing I was a good friend; I don’t think there’s anything more that I can do.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
truthful tuesday
today, i don’t want to be an employee, a boss, a daughter, sister, wife, or productive member of society
i don’t want to talk, or fix, or pay bills, run errands, or do housework, or answer the phone
i’m not worrying about this, or that, or what could be or what was, or what will be.
and i’m certainly not caring about starting sentences with prepositions, or if i even spelled that wrong, or run on sentences, or caring that i really could have looked up another word besides sentences.
i don’t want to talk, or fix, or pay bills, run errands, or do housework, or answer the phone
i’m not worrying about this, or that, or what could be or what was, or what will be.
and i’m certainly not caring about starting sentences with prepositions, or if i even spelled that wrong, or run on sentences, or caring that i really could have looked up another word besides sentences.
i'm not judging you for voting.... don't judge me for NOT voting.
i didn’t vote today. no excuses. it’s my day off; i could have made it. there’s still plenty of time; in all honesty, i just. don’t. care.
i’m tired of it all. don’t get me wrong, i am proud to be an american. except for the endless mudslinging, the lies, the dems vs. reps. vs. independ. abortion, gun control, tax breaks, tax hikes, vote yes, vote no, vote for me, wars, budgets, nuclear arms….dear night. that’s not even anything compared to the big picture.
i’ve lost track of what the real issues at hand really are.
if someone could please break down the issues into black and white, A and B, with out a voice over that isn’t paid for by “the friends of”, or “the party of the betterment of”. simple. easy.
party A stands for this. No pictures, no male or female, no party labeling.
same with party B. and party C.
I’m not saying that you all don’t have it figured out. if you follow the politics, and you have a passion for the politics, and you know what you get out of the politics… welp. i’m very happy for you.
personally, i see too many lies, people promise and don’t fulfill, the public gets angry because they couldn’t get coffee because they were instead at the poles, the cool kids pick on the dorks for voting for the wrong guy. all the noise, Noise, NOISE.
it’s a rocking chair effect, it gives you something to do, but are we really going anywhere?
i don’t know anything about politics. i’ve never claimed to. i partially blame myself for “not getting involved”, but i mostly blame society for not being able to have a rational discussion with me about it. there’s always finger pointing, yelling, and the heated discussions that seem to go nowhere. the “I don’t know i’m right, but dammit, i’m RIGHT” syndrome.
the world will still be corrupt, my tax money will still be spent on things that i have nothing to do with, and at least have of society will be angry for the next few years over not winning what they thought was the biggest prop ever to surface.
i’m ok with my choices. i’m alright knowing that i have my own agenda to follow. there will still be construction, and pot holes, and traffic problems… i’ll take a different route. there will still be wars, and budget problems, and tax issues…. i’ll do my best as a citizen to be understanding and pay them as i always have done.
today, it’s just not worth the effort to make an ill-informed punch on a card because that’s what a commercial told me to, or what my friends like, or how my father feels about something.
today, it’s not a battle to get out and have the guilt of “making the wrong choice” hang over my head and having a sticker to prove it.
today, it’s about having people who really believe that they know what is best for everyone else make choices. it’s about letting the people who are truly more informed cast the ballot.
today, it’s about my bathrobe and couch and movies.
i vote for my day off.
i’m tired of it all. don’t get me wrong, i am proud to be an american. except for the endless mudslinging, the lies, the dems vs. reps. vs. independ. abortion, gun control, tax breaks, tax hikes, vote yes, vote no, vote for me, wars, budgets, nuclear arms….dear night. that’s not even anything compared to the big picture.
i’ve lost track of what the real issues at hand really are.
if someone could please break down the issues into black and white, A and B, with out a voice over that isn’t paid for by “the friends of”, or “the party of the betterment of”. simple. easy.
party A stands for this. No pictures, no male or female, no party labeling.
same with party B. and party C.
I’m not saying that you all don’t have it figured out. if you follow the politics, and you have a passion for the politics, and you know what you get out of the politics… welp. i’m very happy for you.
personally, i see too many lies, people promise and don’t fulfill, the public gets angry because they couldn’t get coffee because they were instead at the poles, the cool kids pick on the dorks for voting for the wrong guy. all the noise, Noise, NOISE.
it’s a rocking chair effect, it gives you something to do, but are we really going anywhere?
i don’t know anything about politics. i’ve never claimed to. i partially blame myself for “not getting involved”, but i mostly blame society for not being able to have a rational discussion with me about it. there’s always finger pointing, yelling, and the heated discussions that seem to go nowhere. the “I don’t know i’m right, but dammit, i’m RIGHT” syndrome.
the world will still be corrupt, my tax money will still be spent on things that i have nothing to do with, and at least have of society will be angry for the next few years over not winning what they thought was the biggest prop ever to surface.
i’m ok with my choices. i’m alright knowing that i have my own agenda to follow. there will still be construction, and pot holes, and traffic problems… i’ll take a different route. there will still be wars, and budget problems, and tax issues…. i’ll do my best as a citizen to be understanding and pay them as i always have done.
today, it’s just not worth the effort to make an ill-informed punch on a card because that’s what a commercial told me to, or what my friends like, or how my father feels about something.
today, it’s not a battle to get out and have the guilt of “making the wrong choice” hang over my head and having a sticker to prove it.
today, it’s about having people who really believe that they know what is best for everyone else make choices. it’s about letting the people who are truly more informed cast the ballot.
today, it’s about my bathrobe and couch and movies.
i vote for my day off.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Hey, don't be an asshole.
"These cars — that’s a school teacher who thinks taxes are too high…there’s a mom with two kids who can’t think about anything else…another car, the lady’s in the NRA. She loves Oprah…An investment banker, gay, also likes Oprah…a Latino carpenter…a fundamentalist vacuum salesman…a Mormon Jay Z fan…But this is us. Everyone of the cars that you see is filled with individuals of strong belief and principles they hold dear — often principles and beliefs in direct opposition to their fellow travelers.
And yet these millions of cars must somehow find a way to squeeze one by one into a mile-long, 30-foot wide tunnel carved underneath a mighty river…And they do it. Concession by concession. You go. Then I’ll go. You go, then I’ll go. You go, then I’ll go — oh my god, is that an NRA sticker on your car, an Obama sticker on your car? Well, that’s OK. You go and then I’ll go…”Sure, at some point there will be a selfish jerk who zips up the shoulder and cuts in at the last minute. But that individual is rare and he is scorned, and he is not hired as an analyst.
Because we know instinctively as a people that if we are to get through the darkness and back into the light we have to work together and the truth is, there will always be darkness. And sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel isn’t the promised land. Sometimes it’s just New Jersey. But we do it anyway, together.
If you want to know why I’m here and what I want from you I can only assure you this: you have already given it to me. You’re presence was what I wanted. Sanity will always be and has always been in the eye of the beholder. To see you here today and the kind of people that you are has restored mine. Thank you."
Jon Stewart in his closing address at Friday's rally. There it is—simple as that. Fight your instinct to polarize. Learn a thing or two from those who you think are different from you. Don’t be an asshole (-LonelySandwich)
I'm a political idiot, but I understand this. Bonus... a blog that I really didn't have to write, but says more than i ever could.
also, don't be an asshole.
And yet these millions of cars must somehow find a way to squeeze one by one into a mile-long, 30-foot wide tunnel carved underneath a mighty river…And they do it. Concession by concession. You go. Then I’ll go. You go, then I’ll go. You go, then I’ll go — oh my god, is that an NRA sticker on your car, an Obama sticker on your car? Well, that’s OK. You go and then I’ll go…”Sure, at some point there will be a selfish jerk who zips up the shoulder and cuts in at the last minute. But that individual is rare and he is scorned, and he is not hired as an analyst.
Because we know instinctively as a people that if we are to get through the darkness and back into the light we have to work together and the truth is, there will always be darkness. And sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel isn’t the promised land. Sometimes it’s just New Jersey. But we do it anyway, together.
If you want to know why I’m here and what I want from you I can only assure you this: you have already given it to me. You’re presence was what I wanted. Sanity will always be and has always been in the eye of the beholder. To see you here today and the kind of people that you are has restored mine. Thank you."
Jon Stewart in his closing address at Friday's rally. There it is—simple as that. Fight your instinct to polarize. Learn a thing or two from those who you think are different from you. Don’t be an asshole (-LonelySandwich)
I'm a political idiot, but I understand this. Bonus... a blog that I really didn't have to write, but says more than i ever could.
also, don't be an asshole.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?
truthful tuesday. while i'd love to puke my dirty little secrets all over the internet, i can honestly say that's probably not the best idea i've ever had. you'll have to settle for more of my tamer stuff. today i'm dealing with quotes.
some of the coolest people i know quote things right off the cuff. inspirational, or music lyrics, or entire book paragraphs (i used to quote an entire page from The Babysitter's Club because it was obnoxiously impressive, not because it was outstanding literature.) i admire people that can whip out a quote at exactly the right moment...that exact moment when you want to punch them in the face because the last thing you wanted to hear was something good ol' ben franklin said when his life was a little tough. anyway..
i will fall madly in love with you if you quote movies. i'm not talking about running away with you and having your babies madly in love, i'm just in love with you and your knowledge of them. it shows you're smart, witty, and have impeccably good timing. a well placed quote earns you 50 cool points and 10 gold stars.
mortuary school was (at times) tedious. i was so lucky to be surrounded by moving quoting savants. we even came up with a few movie quoting quizzes (which may or may not be the reason i didn't understand accounting). good friends laugh at your stupid quotes; the best friends finish the quote for you.
there's a few things i've learned over the years from the masters of this gift.
* one can't just pull out any movie ie.don't play the "Gone with the Wind" card when the obvious card was "Casablanca". you'll just look like a fool. then we make fun of you. (and quote some Adam Sandler movie about what a douche you are..... see how that works?)
* seeing above, one needs to know a wide array of movies. if you want a hundred cool points, know the year and director to back up your credibility.
* seeing above (again), there are only a select few movies that can be quoted indefinitely. this is sometimes touchy as preferences vary from individual to individual; genre to genre; situation to situation. a few of my favorites are as follows (in no specific order): Can't Hardly Wait, Sixteen Candles, Star Wars, and Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure.
side note..... along with my music, i've never ever claimed to have fantastic taste in motion pictures.
some movies that can (and should) be used frequently (i'm not italicizing.. you get the point *Jaws
*Animal House...
*National Lampoons European Vacation, or Christmas Vacation. no more.
(no one will have any clue what you're talking about)
*Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. no singing.
*Ferris Bueller's Day Off
*A Christmas Story
*Fight Club
*Wayne's World
*Clerks
*Caddyshack
*Monty Python/ Holy Grail/ Life of Brian.
ANY (yes, ANY) Adam Sandler movie....... but especially Billy Madison.
*there's no need to preface your quote. the best ones come at a time that's usually highly inappropriate.
* if you do choose to take the highly risky, often unobtainable accent that the quote needs... be cautious. the accent makes or breaks it. i can pull off an exact "Elllioooot" from ET. but that's about it. nothing is sadder that some one trying to pull off a Joe Pesci, only to sound like a Jim Bruer version of Pesci.
Also, be sure of the dialect..... nobody can figure out a german/canadian/pirate when it should have been italian.
if there's something that doesn't make sense on my page, it's probably a movie. if i say something to you that makes less sense than usual, it's probably a movie. if you respond in quote, finish my quote, or trump me a quote..... i will probably be in awe of your brilliance.
party on, dudes.
some of the coolest people i know quote things right off the cuff. inspirational, or music lyrics, or entire book paragraphs (i used to quote an entire page from The Babysitter's Club because it was obnoxiously impressive, not because it was outstanding literature.) i admire people that can whip out a quote at exactly the right moment...that exact moment when you want to punch them in the face because the last thing you wanted to hear was something good ol' ben franklin said when his life was a little tough. anyway..
i will fall madly in love with you if you quote movies. i'm not talking about running away with you and having your babies madly in love, i'm just in love with you and your knowledge of them. it shows you're smart, witty, and have impeccably good timing. a well placed quote earns you 50 cool points and 10 gold stars.
mortuary school was (at times) tedious. i was so lucky to be surrounded by moving quoting savants. we even came up with a few movie quoting quizzes (which may or may not be the reason i didn't understand accounting). good friends laugh at your stupid quotes; the best friends finish the quote for you.
there's a few things i've learned over the years from the masters of this gift.
* one can't just pull out any movie ie.don't play the "Gone with the Wind" card when the obvious card was "Casablanca". you'll just look like a fool. then we make fun of you. (and quote some Adam Sandler movie about what a douche you are..... see how that works?)
* seeing above, one needs to know a wide array of movies. if you want a hundred cool points, know the year and director to back up your credibility.
* seeing above (again), there are only a select few movies that can be quoted indefinitely. this is sometimes touchy as preferences vary from individual to individual; genre to genre; situation to situation. a few of my favorites are as follows (in no specific order): Can't Hardly Wait, Sixteen Candles, Star Wars, and Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure.
side note..... along with my music, i've never ever claimed to have fantastic taste in motion pictures.
some movies that can (and should) be used frequently (i'm not italicizing.. you get the point *Jaws
*Animal House...
*National Lampoons European Vacation, or Christmas Vacation. no more.
(no one will have any clue what you're talking about)
*Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. no singing.
*Ferris Bueller's Day Off
*A Christmas Story
*Fight Club
*Wayne's World
*Clerks
*Caddyshack
*Monty Python/ Holy Grail/ Life of Brian.
ANY (yes, ANY) Adam Sandler movie....... but especially Billy Madison.
*there's no need to preface your quote. the best ones come at a time that's usually highly inappropriate.
* if you do choose to take the highly risky, often unobtainable accent that the quote needs... be cautious. the accent makes or breaks it. i can pull off an exact "Elllioooot" from ET. but that's about it. nothing is sadder that some one trying to pull off a Joe Pesci, only to sound like a Jim Bruer version of Pesci.
Also, be sure of the dialect..... nobody can figure out a german/canadian/pirate when it should have been italian.
if there's something that doesn't make sense on my page, it's probably a movie. if i say something to you that makes less sense than usual, it's probably a movie. if you respond in quote, finish my quote, or trump me a quote..... i will probably be in awe of your brilliance.
party on, dudes.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
can you reply your life via your ipod?
i have a really hard time saying "no". i get it from my mother. i suppose it's not the worst quality i possess, but i fight with it. "hey jen, could you give these flea ridden cats a home?" yes. "hey, jen. .. could you pick up a shift in between your other jobs?" yes. "hey jen, could you stick your hand in the drain since something probably died down there a year ago and i lost my earring?" yes. i should probably just walk away any time i hear "hey, jen".
the "yes, man syndrome" has consequences....although i'm hopeful that there's a gabillion gold stars in my karmic future. i work too much, i sacrifice time with family, i dig through dumpsters for perfect strangers dental devices, and clean up other peoples messes....literally and figuratively. i'm somewhat of a human bandaid; the mediator. i'd prefer to label myself as the voice of reason.... but for fear that would make me a giant liar. my reason and logic are perfect in my head, but my lack of filter often causes trouble in translation. (i don't mean any harm to you (usually. you'd be plenty aware if i did. no misunderstanding there)). the result is me also making poor choices. this isn't going where you're expecting. actually, i've completely lost my train of thought and have no way to bridge these 2 segments together. i don't know where i was going.
i'll just cut to the point (? point? really? ignore that. no point here. ever) poor choices and music.
i've never really been "known" for anything. i'm not the girl with the great fashion style, or the employee that rolls silverware perfect, or having a photographic memory, or having the laundry done and put away (that's REALLY funny). if anything i can stake as my *claim to fame* is my exceptional taste in poor music. some would probably argue that it's my exceptionally poor taste in exceptionally poor music. i'm partial to the former.
my argument is the basis that music represents a time in my life that was meaningful. a melodic time stamp, if you'll allow me. i can hear a song and remember where i was, what was happening, and the exact emotion i felt (and still feel) from it. happy, angry, excited, confused, in love, hating love...etc etc.
i like visual examples. i will hereby project visual examples onto your screen and earworms into your canals. you can thank me later.
i blame MTV for starting me off with this. i'm 4... and very impressionable.
my first cassette tape. my first true loves.
the first song that i ever danced with a boy.... 7th grade. we "broke up" after mili vanilli did. he gave me a New Kids on the Block tape. (i'll spare you that video..i guess because this one is better?)
the song from high school... the boys, the jobs, the boys,the football games, the boys
oh look.... we're cruising westnedge. looking for boys in my parents delta 88. we're also at keggers bar. a lot.
i'm a freshman at WMU. there's no way you can prove that we stole these cafeteria trays to sled down the valley 2 hill with, officer. and who punched a hole in the fire extinguisher glass, boys?
i'm divorced. and i still hate this group.
i partied too much, never came home, and had the some of the best years of my life. this song says it all.
i broke up a life long friendship due to an argument over this. true story. they're still not very close friends.
this. just this.
i'm growing up. i "get" this. it kills me every stinking time.... my heart is in here.
this. is. my. anthem. THIS IS ME.
i could do this forever. i love this. judge me all you want. my cd collections are jumbled, sporadic, seizure inducing mixes of mayhem. they tell my stories, speak the words that my heart can't find in it's pain,... make me laugh that i, at one time, could cabbage patch and roger rabbit along with my friends to vanilla ice. music is my boyfriend. my first love, my perfect love.
it's bad music.... i know. make fun all you want, but be a teeny bit jealous... can you reply your life via your ipod? after all, it's my music, my life. same as it ever was.
the "yes, man syndrome" has consequences....although i'm hopeful that there's a gabillion gold stars in my karmic future. i work too much, i sacrifice time with family, i dig through dumpsters for perfect strangers dental devices, and clean up other peoples messes....literally and figuratively. i'm somewhat of a human bandaid; the mediator. i'd prefer to label myself as the voice of reason.... but for fear that would make me a giant liar. my reason and logic are perfect in my head, but my lack of filter often causes trouble in translation. (i don't mean any harm to you (usually. you'd be plenty aware if i did. no misunderstanding there)). the result is me also making poor choices. this isn't going where you're expecting. actually, i've completely lost my train of thought and have no way to bridge these 2 segments together. i don't know where i was going.
i'll just cut to the point (? point? really? ignore that. no point here. ever) poor choices and music.
i've never really been "known" for anything. i'm not the girl with the great fashion style, or the employee that rolls silverware perfect, or having a photographic memory, or having the laundry done and put away (that's REALLY funny). if anything i can stake as my *claim to fame* is my exceptional taste in poor music. some would probably argue that it's my exceptionally poor taste in exceptionally poor music. i'm partial to the former.
my argument is the basis that music represents a time in my life that was meaningful. a melodic time stamp, if you'll allow me. i can hear a song and remember where i was, what was happening, and the exact emotion i felt (and still feel) from it. happy, angry, excited, confused, in love, hating love...etc etc.
i like visual examples. i will hereby project visual examples onto your screen and earworms into your canals. you can thank me later.
i blame MTV for starting me off with this. i'm 4... and very impressionable.
my first cassette tape. my first true loves.
the first song that i ever danced with a boy.... 7th grade. we "broke up" after mili vanilli did. he gave me a New Kids on the Block tape. (i'll spare you that video..i guess because this one is better?)
the song from high school... the boys, the jobs, the boys,the football games, the boys
oh look.... we're cruising westnedge. looking for boys in my parents delta 88. we're also at keggers bar. a lot.
i'm a freshman at WMU. there's no way you can prove that we stole these cafeteria trays to sled down the valley 2 hill with, officer. and who punched a hole in the fire extinguisher glass, boys?
i'm divorced. and i still hate this group.
i partied too much, never came home, and had the some of the best years of my life. this song says it all.
i broke up a life long friendship due to an argument over this. true story. they're still not very close friends.
this. just this.
i'm growing up. i "get" this. it kills me every stinking time.... my heart is in here.
this. is. my. anthem. THIS IS ME.
i could do this forever. i love this. judge me all you want. my cd collections are jumbled, sporadic, seizure inducing mixes of mayhem. they tell my stories, speak the words that my heart can't find in it's pain,... make me laugh that i, at one time, could cabbage patch and roger rabbit along with my friends to vanilla ice. music is my boyfriend. my first love, my perfect love.
it's bad music.... i know. make fun all you want, but be a teeny bit jealous... can you reply your life via your ipod? after all, it's my music, my life. same as it ever was.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
The Tao of Pooh and how to just BE.
a very wise soul once quoted to me:
""Lots of people talk to animals," said Pooh.
"Not that many listen though."
"That's the problem."
(The Tao of Pooh by Benjamin Hoff)
the entire book is full of genius.
i'm fortunate to have people in my life that can understand me. we're all complicated creatures....extremely complicated. you're a very fortunate person if you have people that continue being friends with you after they find out who the true you really is.... if you've dared enough to expose your soul to them. i am lucky to have a few people in my life that sense when i need them. they can read between my writings and see what my mood really is. they have the uncanny ability to call when i was thinking about them. there's an understanding there; a comfort; a simplistic complication of trust, chemistry, and acceptance.
a true friend tells you the truth about you. they make you analyze yourself, push you, and somehow, you end up bettering yourself. ideally. unfortunately for the ego, this is awful. i've learned that i'm stubborn, opinionated, kinda bossy. i also am demanding, hot tempered and have extremely high levels of expectations for other people-sometimes unrealistic expectations. in all fairness, i didn't need to learn this- i know this. but i needed to hear it. we ALL need to hear it.....if not to be humbled then to improve. these are characteristics that i am actively working on (i really am. really). with the "negative" feed comes the positive.. the ying and yang. the perfect balance. i'm also considerate, a deep thinker, the eternal realist, a consistent loving listener and strong giver of advice, and the reliable sense of humor (dark humor... and often poor humor..but humor). i also push people to open up and be the best..to be what i see inside them. and i give great hugs.
struggling with some of these concepts lately, my phone rang. the wise soul that quoted to me earlier is on the other end. aforementioned soul (hereby known as "soul") "knows" me, the real me...flaws and perfections. the conversations are and have always been deep,intense, heated, competitive (in the best competitive way). soul listens while i jabber on, questioning questions and (over)analyzing splitting hairs. soul says to me something that soul has said many many many times to me (that may be my most favorite thing i have ever written right there) "Jen, stop. JUST BE."
i've heard this for years. and for the first time.... i listened. i stopped. i took a week off of analyzing (A WEEK! i know! ) i let the chips fall where they did. i didn't push, or pull, or argue, or debate. i didn't analyze, scrutinize, or any other type of "-ize" . i simply was. i was be (it makes sense.) . one of the best pieces of advice i've ever taken. in the quiet of my mind, i listened to myself; i heard myself.
it's been a couple weeks since i was just be (it makes sense). life gets crazy, the voices get loud.... the just be gets pushed aside a little, but i'm finding it's getting easier to apply the just be.
"You'd be surprised how many people violate this simple principle every day of their lives and try to fit square pegs into round holes, ignoring the clear reality that Things Are As They Are."---The Tao of Pooh
"Everything has its own place and function. ....... When you know and respect your Inner Nature, you know where you belong. You also know where you don't belong"--The Tao of Pooh
So there you have it. a few simple words to change your life. Just. Be.
LISTEN to the people in your life... HEAR what they say...... in doing so LISTEN to yourself, HEAR what you say.... i will continue to just be. i don't need to run the world, or babysit the public.(i will however continue to be darkly humorous and roll my eyes)..... the only thing i need to concern myself with is just being. the rest will fall in place.
thank you, soul. you're pretty darn fantastic...and wise beyond your years. i am incredibly blessed and humbled to have you in my life.
"While Eeyore frets ...
... and Piglet hesitates
... and Rabbit calculates
... and Owl pontificates
...Pooh just is."
""Lots of people talk to animals," said Pooh.
"Not that many listen though."
"That's the problem."
(The Tao of Pooh by Benjamin Hoff)
the entire book is full of genius.
i'm fortunate to have people in my life that can understand me. we're all complicated creatures....extremely complicated. you're a very fortunate person if you have people that continue being friends with you after they find out who the true you really is.... if you've dared enough to expose your soul to them. i am lucky to have a few people in my life that sense when i need them. they can read between my writings and see what my mood really is. they have the uncanny ability to call when i was thinking about them. there's an understanding there; a comfort; a simplistic complication of trust, chemistry, and acceptance.
a true friend tells you the truth about you. they make you analyze yourself, push you, and somehow, you end up bettering yourself. ideally. unfortunately for the ego, this is awful. i've learned that i'm stubborn, opinionated, kinda bossy. i also am demanding, hot tempered and have extremely high levels of expectations for other people-sometimes unrealistic expectations. in all fairness, i didn't need to learn this- i know this. but i needed to hear it. we ALL need to hear it.....if not to be humbled then to improve. these are characteristics that i am actively working on (i really am. really). with the "negative" feed comes the positive.. the ying and yang. the perfect balance. i'm also considerate, a deep thinker, the eternal realist, a consistent loving listener and strong giver of advice, and the reliable sense of humor (dark humor... and often poor humor..but humor). i also push people to open up and be the best..to be what i see inside them. and i give great hugs.
struggling with some of these concepts lately, my phone rang. the wise soul that quoted to me earlier is on the other end. aforementioned soul (hereby known as "soul") "knows" me, the real me...flaws and perfections. the conversations are and have always been deep,intense, heated, competitive (in the best competitive way). soul listens while i jabber on, questioning questions and (over)analyzing splitting hairs. soul says to me something that soul has said many many many times to me (that may be my most favorite thing i have ever written right there) "Jen, stop. JUST BE."
i've heard this for years. and for the first time.... i listened. i stopped. i took a week off of analyzing (A WEEK! i know! ) i let the chips fall where they did. i didn't push, or pull, or argue, or debate. i didn't analyze, scrutinize, or any other type of "-ize" . i simply was. i was be (it makes sense.) . one of the best pieces of advice i've ever taken. in the quiet of my mind, i listened to myself; i heard myself.
it's been a couple weeks since i was just be (it makes sense). life gets crazy, the voices get loud.... the just be gets pushed aside a little, but i'm finding it's getting easier to apply the just be.
"You'd be surprised how many people violate this simple principle every day of their lives and try to fit square pegs into round holes, ignoring the clear reality that Things Are As They Are."---The Tao of Pooh
"Everything has its own place and function. ....... When you know and respect your Inner Nature, you know where you belong. You also know where you don't belong"--The Tao of Pooh
So there you have it. a few simple words to change your life. Just. Be.
LISTEN to the people in your life... HEAR what they say...... in doing so LISTEN to yourself, HEAR what you say.... i will continue to just be. i don't need to run the world, or babysit the public.(i will however continue to be darkly humorous and roll my eyes)..... the only thing i need to concern myself with is just being. the rest will fall in place.
thank you, soul. you're pretty darn fantastic...and wise beyond your years. i am incredibly blessed and humbled to have you in my life.
"While Eeyore frets ...
... and Piglet hesitates
... and Rabbit calculates
... and Owl pontificates
...Pooh just is."
Monday, October 18, 2010
Illustrating the Diversity of the Word ..... ..........
it's that time of year again. the leaves are changing, the air is crisp in the morning, and there's too much Halloween candy at my disposal. i used to love Halloween. we never bought our costumes, we always made or borrowed them. i suppose it didn't matter what we wore, because we always had to cover it up with winter jackets or layer it over long underwear and sweatshirts.I'm pretty sure there were a few costumes over snowsuits and boots. times have changed, the weather in Michigan doesn't..... so I'm wondering why these girls run around in no clothes on Halloween.
now... before you think I'm about to get all preachy...I'm not. i don't care what you do, or who you do it with, or how you do it. your life.... your shit. i don't mind that you wear a bra and panties and run around at parties calling your costume "Victoria's secret angel" or "super sexy construction worker" etc. etc. i just want to know WHY you would subject yourself to the cold.
don't get me wrong..... i was once in my 20's with a tight little body that gravity hadn't sunk it's dirty little claws into.. i've worked in a few restaurants with semi-questionable attire. I've bartended at places where we hula hooped or line danced on the bar. i'm no stranger to late nights out, or massive hang overs, or the thoughts that go hand in hand : WHAT happened last night??? which is followed by: i'm NEVER drinking again. there's been stories, and fights...laughs and tears. .... i'm still known to "tie on one" every now and again. but this time, now, i'm not waking up on my couch with an ironing board, resistance band, and a bag of cheetos on me. i can't. it seems to take literally weeks to recover from a bender.
and then there's the respect i have for my husband's sobriety.
Halloween is a big deal in this house....not because I'm a funeral director (go on, split hairs... I'm working as a waitress, but i do have a funeral directors license. just be quiet and continue reading)...ironically, Halloween here is about life. Cory will be 8 years sober on Halloween.
his story isn't mine to tell. I'm only still beginning to understand so so so much of the life of an alcoholic and addict. i knew this going into our relationship there have never been any secrets; honesty is a very big part of recovery, so all my questions were respectfully answered. i ask a lot of questions. repeatedly.
this has been the most fulfilling/challenging/emotional/loving experience i have ever had. to put this in a nutshell, i have nothing but the utmost respect and love for any person that can put their life under the microscope, analyze it, and change it. all of it. every thought, every action, every concept. changed. wiped clean. start over. brand new,
working everyday to fight the only thing you have ever known.
unfortunately (well, fortunately. actually) out with the old. the old ways are gone and so are the old friends cory had. it's a touchy subject, but i'm braving the front. my husband is more important to me than the feedback i could potentially receive off this. i often get asked why cory is distant; why he doesn't hang out with his friends that he's known for decades.
because they will kill him. literally.
he's worked too hard at sobriety to make one move with the wrong crowd. he's smarter now; more self aware. he's too respectful to say the things i'm dying to get off my chest for his sake. so dammit... i'm talking about it.
i had this whole big diatribe written and erased it. my point is this (fair warning that my language WILL be graphic here)
exactly who in the fuck do you think you are offering to celebrate cory's sobriety by taking him out for a beer?
(this has happened on more than a few occasions.)
what kind of sick, diluted, souless shell of a creature are you that this is even remotely acceptable? it's a joke, you say. it's disgusting. it's like me asking your parent who is dying of lung cancer to go out for a smoke. see? not funny.
it's almost worse seeing it in writing, i'm so furious now that if i keep writing, i fear this could rival the infamous f-bomb rant from the "Boondock Saints."
what the hell. i'm in a mood.
so there's that. respect what he's gone through. respect him as a person. but most of all respect him as a sober, hard working, evolving, productive member of society.
ps. if you want to take somebody out to celebrate... take me. i've got a few good spars left in this gravity laden body.
now... before you think I'm about to get all preachy...I'm not. i don't care what you do, or who you do it with, or how you do it. your life.... your shit. i don't mind that you wear a bra and panties and run around at parties calling your costume "Victoria's secret angel" or "super sexy construction worker" etc. etc. i just want to know WHY you would subject yourself to the cold.
don't get me wrong..... i was once in my 20's with a tight little body that gravity hadn't sunk it's dirty little claws into.. i've worked in a few restaurants with semi-questionable attire. I've bartended at places where we hula hooped or line danced on the bar. i'm no stranger to late nights out, or massive hang overs, or the thoughts that go hand in hand : WHAT happened last night??? which is followed by: i'm NEVER drinking again. there's been stories, and fights...laughs and tears. .... i'm still known to "tie on one" every now and again. but this time, now, i'm not waking up on my couch with an ironing board, resistance band, and a bag of cheetos on me. i can't. it seems to take literally weeks to recover from a bender.
and then there's the respect i have for my husband's sobriety.
Halloween is a big deal in this house....not because I'm a funeral director (go on, split hairs... I'm working as a waitress, but i do have a funeral directors license. just be quiet and continue reading)...ironically, Halloween here is about life. Cory will be 8 years sober on Halloween.
his story isn't mine to tell. I'm only still beginning to understand so so so much of the life of an alcoholic and addict. i knew this going into our relationship there have never been any secrets; honesty is a very big part of recovery, so all my questions were respectfully answered. i ask a lot of questions. repeatedly.
this has been the most fulfilling/challenging/emotional/loving experience i have ever had. to put this in a nutshell, i have nothing but the utmost respect and love for any person that can put their life under the microscope, analyze it, and change it. all of it. every thought, every action, every concept. changed. wiped clean. start over. brand new,
working everyday to fight the only thing you have ever known.
unfortunately (well, fortunately. actually) out with the old. the old ways are gone and so are the old friends cory had. it's a touchy subject, but i'm braving the front. my husband is more important to me than the feedback i could potentially receive off this. i often get asked why cory is distant; why he doesn't hang out with his friends that he's known for decades.
because they will kill him. literally.
he's worked too hard at sobriety to make one move with the wrong crowd. he's smarter now; more self aware. he's too respectful to say the things i'm dying to get off my chest for his sake. so dammit... i'm talking about it.
i had this whole big diatribe written and erased it. my point is this (fair warning that my language WILL be graphic here)
exactly who in the fuck do you think you are offering to celebrate cory's sobriety by taking him out for a beer?
(this has happened on more than a few occasions.)
what kind of sick, diluted, souless shell of a creature are you that this is even remotely acceptable? it's a joke, you say. it's disgusting. it's like me asking your parent who is dying of lung cancer to go out for a smoke. see? not funny.
it's almost worse seeing it in writing, i'm so furious now that if i keep writing, i fear this could rival the infamous f-bomb rant from the "Boondock Saints."
what the hell. i'm in a mood.
so there's that. respect what he's gone through. respect him as a person. but most of all respect him as a sober, hard working, evolving, productive member of society.
ps. if you want to take somebody out to celebrate... take me. i've got a few good spars left in this gravity laden body.
Friday, October 15, 2010
only when you pry this pen from my cold, dead hand......
i received my first journal as a graduation present. graduation from high school. remember pens and paper? (i'm only slightly older than stone tablets and the invention of the wheel). there's something incredibly therapeutic about going back in time in these journals (there's 7 of them, plus about 10 legal pads and COUNTLESS loose leaf papers). i look back and most notably, i see that my handwriting has changed drastically. it's grown up.
ahhhhh.... to be 17 and have the world encrypted in pink pen, the i's dotted with hearts and smiles as punctuation. the original emoticons. the universe was my oyster....shiny, promising, a blank slate. the majority of the entries that were of "earthshaking proportions" then (this boy said that, this boy doesn't know i exist, do i buy tapes or CD's, why are Girbaud jeans SOOO expensive, mom and dad think they know everything) are completely absurd to look at now. so naive. so simple. so..so...pure. so unscathed.
i left for college that fall. by left, i mean i moved from my parents house into the dorms at WMU downtown. a whole 4 miles. my journals went. college was awful.... i hated 99% of it..... why i left is another blog entirely. my writing in this time is scratchy, angry, unidentifiable. in 6 months, my pink hearts went to black rainclouds.... seriously. my i's are dotted with rainclouds. i was angry, hurt, empty, alone. my life was changing.
i got married shortly after i left WMU. that, my dear friends, is a blog that will never be written. it is a blog that is in my heart, mind and past that i keep to myself. if we are close, you know all you need to know. but a little snippet from then to (put things in perspective, i have about 3 full journals from after high school till the time i was married.) there is NO journal writing in the 3 years i was married.
after the divorce, the journals reappeared....as if with vengeance. i wrote constantly, feverishly, honestly, and heartbreaking. words poured from my heart, tears from my eyes. so many of these pages are blotted with tears...making the ink bleed. (you should probably know that i'm kind of a pen snob. ok. i'm a really big pen snob...i'm also a wine snob, a shoe brat, and a purse whore). the things i wrote for these years are in a strong, confident, precise script. in this time, i kissed my far share of frogs and still wrote about stuff that was ironically the same as before (what did he MEAN by that, why doesn't he understand blahblahblah, why are cars SOOO expensive, why are mom and dad ALWAYS right)
i quit journaling sometime after one of the frogs thought he had the right to read what i had written. he breached my trust and took the liberty of picking my brain and my thoughts, my fears, my hopes, my dreams, my complete rawness.... by reading them. as we all know, trust is something you work a lifetime to achieve, but takes a split second to destroy. i may forgive, but i never forget why i forgave. unfortunately, he ruined it for the whole class. never ever again would i write down in my little books my heart. it's not that i don't trust them around now, but i will never be put in that position again.
i'm stronger. i'm confident. i know where i stand, what my strengths and weaknesses are . i know what i offer, what i need to improve and my standing on many issues. looking through these last few blogs, i've noticed that the basic things i thought were the BIG deals, the things i thought were NAIVE, are exactly the things in life that will always be there, i just didn't know i knew it...... the males won't understand the females, everything is ridiculously expensive, and mom and dad have always been one step above brilliant.
i've also learned one more important thing. you can take a lot of things from me... a piece of my heart, a tear in my trust, and falter my steadiness for a minute....... but you will NEVER take my pink pen from me.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
are you an "innie" or an "outtie"?
i appreciate your ideas for my challenge. however, i feel that i have been misread on a few accounts..... i don't have time to watch a lot of TV and second, when i do somehow manage to find a sparse minute that i can sit down and watch something that's been DVR'd, 99.98% of the time its something off the history channel or a&e. no offense to you that watch the so called "reality" shows, but i find the last thing i want to do when i find time is watch MORE jackasses running around.... i see enough of that on a daily basis. besides, mom said if i role my eyes too much-they are in danger of staying that way. i'm scared that they have become severely close to that edge.
i did receive a few unbelievable topics that i can not WAIT to get into. wow. i love love love the way you guys think. all these fun, intreguing, complicated little (big?) brains running around... it's no wonder i adore you all.
my winning brain teaser was this: to get a sense of personality traits... specifically the view of an introvert ( we'll call him Mr. M) from an extrovert (me) and vice versa.... also what it's like to see things differently. at least that's what i understood (Mr. M is incredibly smart and i was so excited about this chall.... nevermind. point.)
let's define the bases, shall we? my "vast" knowledge of computers shows the "cut and paste" philosophy. just follow.
INTROVERT....Contrary to what most people think, an introvert is not simply a person who is shy. In fact, being shy has little to do with being an introvert! Shyness has an element of apprehension, nervousness and anxiety, and while an introvert may also be shy, introversion itself is not shyness. Basically, an introvert is a person who is energized by being alone and whose energy is drained by being around other people.
Introverts are more concerned with the inner world of the mind. They enjoy thinking, exploring their thoughts and feelings. They often avoid social situations because being around people drains their energy. This is true even if they have good social skills. After being with people for any length of time, such as at a party, they need time alone to "recharge."
EXTROVERT....Most people believe that an extrovert is a person who is friendly and outgoing. While that may be true, that is not the true meaning of extroversion. Basically, an extrovert is a person who is energized by being around other people. This is the opposite of an introvert who is energized by being alone.
Extroverts tend to "fade" when alone and can easily become bored without other people around. When given the chance, an extrovert will talk with someone else rather than sit alone and think. In fact, extroverts tend to think as they speak, unlike introverts who are far more likely to think before they speak. Extroverts often think best when they are talking. Concepts just don't seem real to them unless they can talk about them; reflecting on them isn't enough
it's probably no shock that i am probably a poster child for the stereotypical extrovert... lampshade included (not recently...). i'll talk to anyone. about anything. usually until they get annoyed and leave. i really like debates (ok, arguments. friendly fire, if you will). i make my money by being quippy and "funny" (relative term, i suppose). i'm pretty darn comfortable in any social situation, so much so that i NEED social interaction. however, being like this has it's faults. i've gotten myself into a lot of trouble with this mouth. my filter is lacking, i'm sometimes insensitive, and there's been more than a few scrappy altercations because of it.
i married an introvert.
he's quiet.... i do all the talking. he's a homebody... i'm out on the town. he's a thinker... i'm the doer.
he nods while i talk talk talk talktalktalk. he analyzes... i over analyze or not at all.
there are a few things one should know about our beloved introverts.
*If a person is introverted, it does NOT mean they are shy or anti-social.
Introverts have more brain activity in their frontal lobes and when these areas are activated through solitary activity, introverts become energized through processes such as problem solving, introspection, and complex thinking. Extroverts on the other hand tend to have more activity in the back of their brain, areas that deal with processing sensory information from the external world, so they tend to search for external stimuli in the form of interacting with other people and the outside world to energize them. There’s a deeper science to this that involves differences in the levels of brain chemicals such as acetylcholine and dopamine in extroverts and introverts, but I won’t get into that.
*Introverts tend to dislike small talk.
Introverts tend to love deep conversations on subjects that interest them. They love to debate, go past the superficial and poke around the depths in people’s minds to see what’s really going on in there. Most, if not all introverts tend to regard small talk as a waste of time, unless it’s with someone new they just met. This characteristic probably contributes to another misconception that extroverts have of introverts - the misconception that all introverts are arrogant.
*Introverts do like to socialize – only in a different manner and less frequently than extroverts.
introverts can do a lot of things extroverts are naturally good at - give great speeches, schmooze with everyone, be the life of the party, charm the socks off of total strangers - but only for a short period of time. After that, they need time for themselves which brings us to the fourth point.
*Introverts need time alone to recharge.
Extroverts tend to think introverts have something against them as they constantly seem to refuse generous invites to social engagements. Introverts do appreciate the offers, but it’s just that they know it will take a lot of energy out of them if they pursue these social functions.
*Introverts are socially well adjusted
Most introverts are well aware of all the social nuances, customs, and mannerisms when it comes to interacting with other people, but they simply don’t choose to socialize as much as extroverts, which makes it easy for extroverts to assume that introverts are not socially well adjusted, as they have not seen much evidence of them interacting with other people. This just exacerbates previous misconceptions and gives way to labeling introverts as nerds, geeks, loners, etc.
it's pretty easy to see why society places a "higher" value on extroverts. absolutely UNFAIR and a load of rubbish. being one way or the other isn't "right or wrong" just different. it's a respect thing. one human showing respect to another for being HUMAN... unique, true, open and honest about life and their emotions (freaked you all out again. emotionemotionemotion)
thank you, Mr. M. you've opened up my mind to a whole new concept of life on the quiet side. i can't say that i'll stay here long, but the 30 minutes i've put into this in silence has left the male introvert in this household VERY happy.
lets get a beer, soon. i'll bring the lampshade.
i did receive a few unbelievable topics that i can not WAIT to get into. wow. i love love love the way you guys think. all these fun, intreguing, complicated little (big?) brains running around... it's no wonder i adore you all.
my winning brain teaser was this: to get a sense of personality traits... specifically the view of an introvert ( we'll call him Mr. M) from an extrovert (me) and vice versa.... also what it's like to see things differently. at least that's what i understood (Mr. M is incredibly smart and i was so excited about this chall.... nevermind. point.)
let's define the bases, shall we? my "vast" knowledge of computers shows the "cut and paste" philosophy. just follow.
INTROVERT....Contrary to what most people think, an introvert is not simply a person who is shy. In fact, being shy has little to do with being an introvert! Shyness has an element of apprehension, nervousness and anxiety, and while an introvert may also be shy, introversion itself is not shyness. Basically, an introvert is a person who is energized by being alone and whose energy is drained by being around other people.
Introverts are more concerned with the inner world of the mind. They enjoy thinking, exploring their thoughts and feelings. They often avoid social situations because being around people drains their energy. This is true even if they have good social skills. After being with people for any length of time, such as at a party, they need time alone to "recharge."
EXTROVERT....Most people believe that an extrovert is a person who is friendly and outgoing. While that may be true, that is not the true meaning of extroversion. Basically, an extrovert is a person who is energized by being around other people. This is the opposite of an introvert who is energized by being alone.
Extroverts tend to "fade" when alone and can easily become bored without other people around. When given the chance, an extrovert will talk with someone else rather than sit alone and think. In fact, extroverts tend to think as they speak, unlike introverts who are far more likely to think before they speak. Extroverts often think best when they are talking. Concepts just don't seem real to them unless they can talk about them; reflecting on them isn't enough
it's probably no shock that i am probably a poster child for the stereotypical extrovert... lampshade included (not recently...). i'll talk to anyone. about anything. usually until they get annoyed and leave. i really like debates (ok, arguments. friendly fire, if you will). i make my money by being quippy and "funny" (relative term, i suppose). i'm pretty darn comfortable in any social situation, so much so that i NEED social interaction. however, being like this has it's faults. i've gotten myself into a lot of trouble with this mouth. my filter is lacking, i'm sometimes insensitive, and there's been more than a few scrappy altercations because of it.
i married an introvert.
he's quiet.... i do all the talking. he's a homebody... i'm out on the town. he's a thinker... i'm the doer.
he nods while i talk talk talk talktalktalk. he analyzes... i over analyze or not at all.
there are a few things one should know about our beloved introverts.
*If a person is introverted, it does NOT mean they are shy or anti-social.
Introverts have more brain activity in their frontal lobes and when these areas are activated through solitary activity, introverts become energized through processes such as problem solving, introspection, and complex thinking. Extroverts on the other hand tend to have more activity in the back of their brain, areas that deal with processing sensory information from the external world, so they tend to search for external stimuli in the form of interacting with other people and the outside world to energize them. There’s a deeper science to this that involves differences in the levels of brain chemicals such as acetylcholine and dopamine in extroverts and introverts, but I won’t get into that.
*Introverts tend to dislike small talk.
Introverts tend to love deep conversations on subjects that interest them. They love to debate, go past the superficial and poke around the depths in people’s minds to see what’s really going on in there. Most, if not all introverts tend to regard small talk as a waste of time, unless it’s with someone new they just met. This characteristic probably contributes to another misconception that extroverts have of introverts - the misconception that all introverts are arrogant.
*Introverts do like to socialize – only in a different manner and less frequently than extroverts.
introverts can do a lot of things extroverts are naturally good at - give great speeches, schmooze with everyone, be the life of the party, charm the socks off of total strangers - but only for a short period of time. After that, they need time for themselves which brings us to the fourth point.
*Introverts need time alone to recharge.
Extroverts tend to think introverts have something against them as they constantly seem to refuse generous invites to social engagements. Introverts do appreciate the offers, but it’s just that they know it will take a lot of energy out of them if they pursue these social functions.
*Introverts are socially well adjusted
Most introverts are well aware of all the social nuances, customs, and mannerisms when it comes to interacting with other people, but they simply don’t choose to socialize as much as extroverts, which makes it easy for extroverts to assume that introverts are not socially well adjusted, as they have not seen much evidence of them interacting with other people. This just exacerbates previous misconceptions and gives way to labeling introverts as nerds, geeks, loners, etc.
it's pretty easy to see why society places a "higher" value on extroverts. absolutely UNFAIR and a load of rubbish. being one way or the other isn't "right or wrong" just different. it's a respect thing. one human showing respect to another for being HUMAN... unique, true, open and honest about life and their emotions (freaked you all out again. emotionemotionemotion)
thank you, Mr. M. you've opened up my mind to a whole new concept of life on the quiet side. i can't say that i'll stay here long, but the 30 minutes i've put into this in silence has left the male introvert in this household VERY happy.
lets get a beer, soon. i'll bring the lampshade.
Monday, October 11, 2010
what do snow, nickleback, and sunscreen have in common?
(i promise. i promise to keep this post light.) one of the best things about having best friends is the push they give you. i wasn't going to write tonight, but due to the overwhelming (!) response i've received (THANK YOU! THANK YOU!)and Maryann starting my brain on overdrive, with Nancy right behind... here we go.
"If you could go back in time and meet your 16-year-old self, what three things would you tell yourself?" intriguing. but ONLY three things? no way. and, only from ONE year? not happening. so i'm taking snapshots. a few letters to myself then from myself now. maybe one to myself for the future me.
phase 1
"dear jenni....
it's 1993. you're a sophomore in high school. kurt cobain has changed the face of music (buy flannel now. eddie bower. and doc martens) speaking from future experience there are a few things you should know:
*change your name. drop the Jenni... seriously. put a stop to this right now.
*stop perming your hair. stop using aquanet. and, for the love of all thats good.. NEVER EVER use another curling iron on your bangs. you're gonna hate the pictures later, i don't care how cool you think you are now.
*see that boy there? Yes, him. Ugh, no, not him, behind him. HIM. he's gonna be your husband someday, but to be sure, do exactly what you did with him. NOTHING. don't speak more than you need to, make him smile, and leave a lasting SUBTLE impression.
*as for the rest of them, you should know mom and dad WERE right. date more, ask the boys out, and for heaven's sake: DO NOT have a serious boyfriend while you're in school. trust me....really trust me. pay attention to the guys you thought were dorks... you'll find out they are the coolest guys you've ever met.
*be nicer. buckle down for college. prepare better. know that many of these friendships will be strained, end, grow, and only the true ones will last.
*Invest in anything bill gates says. there's something called google coming in a few years... you should probably think about investing in internet programs. just looking out.
* remember the lyrics to all the songs. trust me on this.
*on that note: this guy never amounted to anything. i know that's hard to fathom.
sincerely,
you."
Phase II
"Dear jenn....
it's 2002. nice work on that name change. you're still a dork, read too much, and why is that cat soooo fat? we're not done yet. you really believe that you know everything, but trust me, 25 year old you is still ridiculously naive.... you're not such a flake, but work on your common sense. a few things to remind you of....
*chop up the credit cards. just do this. please please please. this war thing is gonna be a lot worse and the repercussions are going to be awful.
*you will kiss a lot more frogs. you will get your heart broken (it will heal). treasure the lessons you'll learn and run when those flags appear. run.
*stay up later, party more (but responsibly), take more pictures, live your life with confidence.
*the friends you make now are your friends for life. take care of them, be there for them and they'll do the same for you.
*don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as
effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing
bubblegum
*see these guys? you'll really learn to dislike their entire catalog.
best wishes,
you"
phase III
"dear jen....
it's 2010. 33, huh? not at all where you expected to be, right? i hear that's normal. well, congrats. after all the heartbreaks, you finally landed that guy from school. nice work. he's still hot. roll with the punches... life is gonna be easier and rougher at the same time. there's too much to say about life, but i guess that's why you have a blog. be grateful for your friends, for family, work, love and forgiveness.
and there's this. ALL of this. pay attention.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be
it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by
scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable
than my own meandering
experience…I will dispense this advice now.
*Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not
understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded.
But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and
recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before
you and how fabulous you really looked….
*You’re not as fat as you imagine.
Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as
effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing
bubblegum.
The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that
never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm
on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing everyday that scares you
Sing
Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with
people who are reckless with yours.
Floss
Don’t waste your time on jealousy;
sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.
Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you
succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.
Stretch
Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your
life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they
wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year
olds I know still don’t.
Get plenty of calcium.
Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.
Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children,maybe
you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky
chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…
what ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s.
Enjoy your body, use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people
think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever
own..
Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.
Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.
Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.
Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the
people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you
should hold on.
Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live
in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.
Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths: prices will rise, politicians will
philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize
that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were
noble and children respected their elders. Respect your elders.
Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund,
maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one
might run out.
Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will
look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who
supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of
fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the
ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.
But trust me on the sunscreen…
"If you could go back in time and meet your 16-year-old self, what three things would you tell yourself?" intriguing. but ONLY three things? no way. and, only from ONE year? not happening. so i'm taking snapshots. a few letters to myself then from myself now. maybe one to myself for the future me.
phase 1
"dear jenni....
it's 1993. you're a sophomore in high school. kurt cobain has changed the face of music (buy flannel now. eddie bower. and doc martens) speaking from future experience there are a few things you should know:
*change your name. drop the Jenni... seriously. put a stop to this right now.
*stop perming your hair. stop using aquanet. and, for the love of all thats good.. NEVER EVER use another curling iron on your bangs. you're gonna hate the pictures later, i don't care how cool you think you are now.
*see that boy there? Yes, him. Ugh, no, not him, behind him. HIM. he's gonna be your husband someday, but to be sure, do exactly what you did with him. NOTHING. don't speak more than you need to, make him smile, and leave a lasting SUBTLE impression.
*as for the rest of them, you should know mom and dad WERE right. date more, ask the boys out, and for heaven's sake: DO NOT have a serious boyfriend while you're in school. trust me....really trust me. pay attention to the guys you thought were dorks... you'll find out they are the coolest guys you've ever met.
*be nicer. buckle down for college. prepare better. know that many of these friendships will be strained, end, grow, and only the true ones will last.
*Invest in anything bill gates says. there's something called google coming in a few years... you should probably think about investing in internet programs. just looking out.
* remember the lyrics to all the songs. trust me on this.
*on that note: this guy never amounted to anything. i know that's hard to fathom.
sincerely,
you."
Phase II
"Dear jenn....
it's 2002. nice work on that name change. you're still a dork, read too much, and why is that cat soooo fat? we're not done yet. you really believe that you know everything, but trust me, 25 year old you is still ridiculously naive.... you're not such a flake, but work on your common sense. a few things to remind you of....
*chop up the credit cards. just do this. please please please. this war thing is gonna be a lot worse and the repercussions are going to be awful.
*you will kiss a lot more frogs. you will get your heart broken (it will heal). treasure the lessons you'll learn and run when those flags appear. run.
*stay up later, party more (but responsibly), take more pictures, live your life with confidence.
*the friends you make now are your friends for life. take care of them, be there for them and they'll do the same for you.
*don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as
effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing
bubblegum
*see these guys? you'll really learn to dislike their entire catalog.
best wishes,
you"
phase III
"dear jen....
it's 2010. 33, huh? not at all where you expected to be, right? i hear that's normal. well, congrats. after all the heartbreaks, you finally landed that guy from school. nice work. he's still hot. roll with the punches... life is gonna be easier and rougher at the same time. there's too much to say about life, but i guess that's why you have a blog. be grateful for your friends, for family, work, love and forgiveness.
and there's this. ALL of this. pay attention.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be
it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by
scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable
than my own meandering
experience…I will dispense this advice now.
*Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not
understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded.
But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and
recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before
you and how fabulous you really looked….
*You’re not as fat as you imagine.
Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as
effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing
bubblegum.
The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that
never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm
on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing everyday that scares you
Sing
Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with
people who are reckless with yours.
Floss
Don’t waste your time on jealousy;
sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.
Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you
succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.
Stretch
Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your
life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they
wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year
olds I know still don’t.
Get plenty of calcium.
Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.
Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children,maybe
you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky
chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…
what ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s.
Enjoy your body, use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people
think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever
own..
Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.
Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.
Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.
Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the
people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you
should hold on.
Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live
in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.
Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths: prices will rise, politicians will
philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize
that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were
noble and children respected their elders. Respect your elders.
Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund,
maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one
might run out.
Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will
look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who
supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of
fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the
ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.
But trust me on the sunscreen…
Sunday, October 10, 2010
To err is human, to forgive...... divine.
sometimes it's tough to be human. aside from all the stresses, and the bills, and the jobs, and the family, and the self maintenance and and and...that's life. i'm not talking life today. i'm talking human.
emotions.
easily, i've lost a few of my readers now. probably due to the fact that discussions of emotions are the pink elephant in the room; the things easier turned away from; the embarrassment of the stuff swept under the proverbial life rug and ignored.
but why?? why do we shy away from the things that every person that has ever lived feels? one could argue the fact that we all feel the same basic emotions (love, joy, anger, sadness, fear), but we feel them in different ways. one could argue that emotions are learned and taught instead of given, or that you are genetically predisposed to a specific emotion that defines their being daily. i'm not even going to touch that. that's not what i'm about. well, that's not what i'm about TODAY.
i'm also aware that there is a very very very broad spectrum of emotions that are covered under the umbrella of the some what vague 5 emotions that i gave above..... (see http://changingminds.org/explanations/emotions/basic%20emotions.htm)
i'm pretty sure that we shy away from discussing emotions is the fact that it's a powerful, painful experience. we've all shared the same emotions, so it should be so much easier to relate to one another. to empathize, to sympathize, to feel.. but it's certainly not. emotions are far to intimate, far to embarrassing, far to scary to be broadcasting around all willy-nilly.
but... my blog. i'm gonna do it. don't panic, gentle reader. i'm only gonna touch base on an emotion that has me all tore up. i'm not even sure what category it falls under.. because frankly. it feels like it encompasses all of them.
i care too much. i can see how you're probably laughing about that right now- provided all my rants about customers and the stupidity of the general public, but push them aside for a moment. if i know YOU... i care about you. deeply.
i was taught early on never to burn bridges..... and, for the most part, i've followed that. i'm still friends with many of my old coworkers, bosses, and ex-boyfriends. i'm friends with people that have stabbed me in the back, the front, and have torn out the pieces of my shattered heart. forgiveness is a virtue, and i'd really love to be forgiven for some of the stunts i've pulled.
the cost of these relationships to be mended is huge. it's a lot of hours, usually by email or the phone: rehashing what went wrong, who misunderstood whom, who felt what when, and trying not to point fingers. there's always a million tears, a thousand realizations, putting yourself under the microscope, the humility and the embarrassment. no matter how angry i was at you, once these steps have been completed, i forgive you. we move on. and i have a whole new respect for you. you also receive, as a bonus gift, my undying concern for you.
i'm not nosy. i ask a million questions because i want to know things, to understand, to relate. i want to help/ to make sure the choices you made were right for you/ to believe that you are in the best place you could possibly be. i have so much love for you all, you need to know that.
if you and i have had a falling out, i'm extending this as an apology. no excuses, but time changes people. i'm willing to forgive and forget, to move on, to build anew.
challenge yourself to reach out to the people that have hurt you, no matter how scary or how angry it could be. i promise, that even if the result isn't what you expected, you'll sleep a little better.
and because i love you all so much, i'll sleep better too. if you don't do it for you, do it for my sleeping patterns. nobody likes a crabby waitress.
emotions.
easily, i've lost a few of my readers now. probably due to the fact that discussions of emotions are the pink elephant in the room; the things easier turned away from; the embarrassment of the stuff swept under the proverbial life rug and ignored.
but why?? why do we shy away from the things that every person that has ever lived feels? one could argue the fact that we all feel the same basic emotions (love, joy, anger, sadness, fear), but we feel them in different ways. one could argue that emotions are learned and taught instead of given, or that you are genetically predisposed to a specific emotion that defines their being daily. i'm not even going to touch that. that's not what i'm about. well, that's not what i'm about TODAY.
i'm also aware that there is a very very very broad spectrum of emotions that are covered under the umbrella of the some what vague 5 emotions that i gave above..... (see http://changingminds.org/explanations/emotions/basic%20emotions.htm)
i'm pretty sure that we shy away from discussing emotions is the fact that it's a powerful, painful experience. we've all shared the same emotions, so it should be so much easier to relate to one another. to empathize, to sympathize, to feel.. but it's certainly not. emotions are far to intimate, far to embarrassing, far to scary to be broadcasting around all willy-nilly.
but... my blog. i'm gonna do it. don't panic, gentle reader. i'm only gonna touch base on an emotion that has me all tore up. i'm not even sure what category it falls under.. because frankly. it feels like it encompasses all of them.
i care too much. i can see how you're probably laughing about that right now- provided all my rants about customers and the stupidity of the general public, but push them aside for a moment. if i know YOU... i care about you. deeply.
i was taught early on never to burn bridges..... and, for the most part, i've followed that. i'm still friends with many of my old coworkers, bosses, and ex-boyfriends. i'm friends with people that have stabbed me in the back, the front, and have torn out the pieces of my shattered heart. forgiveness is a virtue, and i'd really love to be forgiven for some of the stunts i've pulled.
the cost of these relationships to be mended is huge. it's a lot of hours, usually by email or the phone: rehashing what went wrong, who misunderstood whom, who felt what when, and trying not to point fingers. there's always a million tears, a thousand realizations, putting yourself under the microscope, the humility and the embarrassment. no matter how angry i was at you, once these steps have been completed, i forgive you. we move on. and i have a whole new respect for you. you also receive, as a bonus gift, my undying concern for you.
i'm not nosy. i ask a million questions because i want to know things, to understand, to relate. i want to help/ to make sure the choices you made were right for you/ to believe that you are in the best place you could possibly be. i have so much love for you all, you need to know that.
if you and i have had a falling out, i'm extending this as an apology. no excuses, but time changes people. i'm willing to forgive and forget, to move on, to build anew.
challenge yourself to reach out to the people that have hurt you, no matter how scary or how angry it could be. i promise, that even if the result isn't what you expected, you'll sleep a little better.
and because i love you all so much, i'll sleep better too. if you don't do it for you, do it for my sleeping patterns. nobody likes a crabby waitress.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
.....probably no more than you'd care for a uterus in your wallet.
let's talk, shall we? or given the circumstance, i'll type and you read.
this whole "where do you set your purse, but keep it a secret from the guys" thing really drives me nuts. i hate it. WHO CARES? i read a few posts from a friends page yesterday.. and it really got me thinking....although, one could probably put plastic wrap in front of me and i would ponder that indefinitely also. my friends friend was arguing the fact that posts like this "overtly sexualize facebook"....at least that's what i think she was trying to say. i thought that was HILARIOUS, being that facebook is probably pretty darn tame compared to what a few simple clicks could find you. the internet isn't known first hand for it's wealth of knowledge. that's neither here nor there.
the point of all this, the part that bothers me-infuriates me- is the part that wants us to believe that men are so stupid, so meatheaded, so clueless... that they can't figure this out. what we are really showing ourselves is that WE are so stupid, so SELFISH, so egotistical as females.
i waited on a table last night. a young family with four kids under the age of four. i watched the poor husband drag in child after child while his wife pointed the way, barked the orders, tried to run the whole circus. now, i don't know anything about this family and their dynamic... but my heart bleed for this poor guy. he was obviously just out of work for the day, and every choice he was contemplating for dinner was met with a contradiction from the wife. poor guy just wanted a beer. she made him drink diet coke. he wanted alfredo, she made him get marinara. he was deflated, sad, tired. the wife and husband didn't talk. or sit by each other. it was about the hellions.... er, kids.
I'll stop to take a breather here. mothers, please pay attention here. please. i understand that mothers are different. kids first... and please don't give me that shit about me not understanding "because i don't have kids". on the contrary, i have 3. i didn't birth them, but they are still my kids. end of debate. no, i'm not done. if i hear this anymore, about my not understanding what it's like.... trust me, i wouldn't stick around to see my reaction. breather over..
i'm just gonna say it.... his balls were in her purse.
now, i carry a lot of stuff in my purse. but i don't want any balls in my purse. call me crazy, but i don't want them. probably no more than you'd care for a uterus in your wallet. that was gross. sorry.
ladies, please give your husband, boyfriend, significant other, his balls back. let him make his own choices, live his own life, let him be respected. he is a PERSON, a HUMAN, a MAN.
let's stop this demoraliztion of males. don't make them buy tampons, or hold your purse, or iron your panties ( unless you designated chores, but seriously, who does this?). he provides for you, he loves you, he does a LOT. give the man some credit, a voice; let him watch the game, play video games at obscene levels, and paint his body for football games. let the boys be boys.
and when you do give him his balls back.... realize that he's not an idiot. he just let you hold onto them so you'd shut up.
this whole "where do you set your purse, but keep it a secret from the guys" thing really drives me nuts. i hate it. WHO CARES? i read a few posts from a friends page yesterday.. and it really got me thinking....although, one could probably put plastic wrap in front of me and i would ponder that indefinitely also. my friends friend was arguing the fact that posts like this "overtly sexualize facebook"....at least that's what i think she was trying to say. i thought that was HILARIOUS, being that facebook is probably pretty darn tame compared to what a few simple clicks could find you. the internet isn't known first hand for it's wealth of knowledge. that's neither here nor there.
the point of all this, the part that bothers me-infuriates me- is the part that wants us to believe that men are so stupid, so meatheaded, so clueless... that they can't figure this out. what we are really showing ourselves is that WE are so stupid, so SELFISH, so egotistical as females.
i waited on a table last night. a young family with four kids under the age of four. i watched the poor husband drag in child after child while his wife pointed the way, barked the orders, tried to run the whole circus. now, i don't know anything about this family and their dynamic... but my heart bleed for this poor guy. he was obviously just out of work for the day, and every choice he was contemplating for dinner was met with a contradiction from the wife. poor guy just wanted a beer. she made him drink diet coke. he wanted alfredo, she made him get marinara. he was deflated, sad, tired. the wife and husband didn't talk. or sit by each other. it was about the hellions.... er, kids.
I'll stop to take a breather here. mothers, please pay attention here. please. i understand that mothers are different. kids first... and please don't give me that shit about me not understanding "because i don't have kids". on the contrary, i have 3. i didn't birth them, but they are still my kids. end of debate. no, i'm not done. if i hear this anymore, about my not understanding what it's like.... trust me, i wouldn't stick around to see my reaction. breather over..
i'm just gonna say it.... his balls were in her purse.
now, i carry a lot of stuff in my purse. but i don't want any balls in my purse. call me crazy, but i don't want them. probably no more than you'd care for a uterus in your wallet. that was gross. sorry.
ladies, please give your husband, boyfriend, significant other, his balls back. let him make his own choices, live his own life, let him be respected. he is a PERSON, a HUMAN, a MAN.
let's stop this demoraliztion of males. don't make them buy tampons, or hold your purse, or iron your panties ( unless you designated chores, but seriously, who does this?). he provides for you, he loves you, he does a LOT. give the man some credit, a voice; let him watch the game, play video games at obscene levels, and paint his body for football games. let the boys be boys.
and when you do give him his balls back.... realize that he's not an idiot. he just let you hold onto them so you'd shut up.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
pink vs. blue
i've done a lot of traveling this week. along with the traveling came a LOT of emotions. while in detroit, i met up with quite a few old friends. friends that i thought i had lost for many reasons. friends, that i found out, hadn't been lost at all. friends that picked up exactly where we left off. so heather, amber, matt and ben.... i thank you. you have done so much for my spirit and no matter what the reason being that we haven't connected previously, i thank you for making my heart fill with love and a sense of home. for those of you that i didn't see.... there's another adventure coming ... i'm sure.
i also ended up with an absolute horrific cold and sinus infection... one requiring antibiotics and codine. not terrific. alieve cold and sinus is nothing short of a miracle. being the giving person that i am, i promptly passed this on to cory.... although where he picked up the pukey stomach bug is beyond me.
this weekend was spent at a love and respect marriage seminar in grand rapids. 2 days of learning love and respect. we were so fortunate to go with 2 of our dearest friends, rae and brody. i knew that if the seminar was a flop, i could rely on these 2 to keep me entertained. the seminar wasn't a flop.
what i'm about to tell you is about to change your life... if you choose to accept this mission. or don't. i was so overwhelmed by this concept that it still hasn't sunk in and i'm a little angry that i didn't think of this. this isn't just for marriages; it's for relationships. EVERY relationship. if you follow this blog, and i'll try not to fault you if you don't, you are familiar with how i feel about relationships. they're kinda a big deal.
so here it is. hang on.
women think in pink.. men think in blue.
TAAAAA DAAAAAAHHHH!!!
simple right? ehhhhh. not so much
i'll break it down as simple as i can... otherwise you have to buy the book "Love and Respect" by Emerson Eggriches, ph.d..... or you can pay ME $35 to go thru this with you (also, just buy the book... i don't have the time to make house calls)
the basis is this. women are motivated by love (pink) and men are motivated by respect (blue).
women see in pink.. we talk thru pink, hear in pink, reason in pink. men do the same in blue. which is why i talk to my giirlfriends in pink and they UNDERSTAND in pink. but when i talk to blue in pink... everything is confusing. capish?
you guys have a code all your own. you talk in grunts. you point. details are often scarce. things are or they're not. and the other blues UNDERSTAND YOU. it's not wrong, just different.
females talk in detail. in great rambling run-on sentences. with points all over the place. i am terribly terribly terribly guilty of this. i throw everything at you and then get back (psssh. or not) to the original point light years later. you've seen this in me. i'm not apologizing... the girls follow. the boys are polite and just let me go.
in a very brief summary... (buy the book) here's the dilly
women.... to receive love from a man, speak and act with respect.
men.... to receive respect from a woman, speak and act with love
this is so simple. something so simple has revolutionized my entire thought process. i've thought that's logical, that's ridiculous, that's absurd... "it's all about love...love love love" EVEN THE BEATLES WERE WRONG. if john, paul, ringo and george got it wrong, this must be true. i've took a step back and analyzed this. i like the concept. i LOVE the concept.
I RESPECT the concept.
so follow. read. think. play around with this. i've got workbooks that i would love to show you. i'm not selling you amway. i didn't drink the punch (although the coffee was EXCELLENT..?) i'm not brainwashed. i'm not a zombie- although that would be AWESOME. i've just found something that i think taking a long glace at is worthwhile.
if i would have known this is the midst of the dating confusion, this may have changed everything. would i still be where i am right now? hmmmm. that's tough to say, but i'm pretty sure that there could've been a lot of broken hearts, angry words, and tears spared.
so here i am.... a pink. speaking blue.. it's unnatural. it's not easy. i can already see the benefits. guys thanks for your time.. speak pink. speak with love and you'll naturally get that respect you deserve.
ps. ladies... i told mr blue that i respected what he provides to this family and the garbage was taken out. and he did the dishes and cleaned the kitchen. i'm just saying......
let's talk pinks soon, shall we?
i also ended up with an absolute horrific cold and sinus infection... one requiring antibiotics and codine. not terrific. alieve cold and sinus is nothing short of a miracle. being the giving person that i am, i promptly passed this on to cory.... although where he picked up the pukey stomach bug is beyond me.
this weekend was spent at a love and respect marriage seminar in grand rapids. 2 days of learning love and respect. we were so fortunate to go with 2 of our dearest friends, rae and brody. i knew that if the seminar was a flop, i could rely on these 2 to keep me entertained. the seminar wasn't a flop.
what i'm about to tell you is about to change your life... if you choose to accept this mission. or don't. i was so overwhelmed by this concept that it still hasn't sunk in and i'm a little angry that i didn't think of this. this isn't just for marriages; it's for relationships. EVERY relationship. if you follow this blog, and i'll try not to fault you if you don't, you are familiar with how i feel about relationships. they're kinda a big deal.
so here it is. hang on.
women think in pink.. men think in blue.
TAAAAA DAAAAAAHHHH!!!
simple right? ehhhhh. not so much
i'll break it down as simple as i can... otherwise you have to buy the book "Love and Respect" by Emerson Eggriches, ph.d..... or you can pay ME $35 to go thru this with you (also, just buy the book... i don't have the time to make house calls)
the basis is this. women are motivated by love (pink) and men are motivated by respect (blue).
women see in pink.. we talk thru pink, hear in pink, reason in pink. men do the same in blue. which is why i talk to my giirlfriends in pink and they UNDERSTAND in pink. but when i talk to blue in pink... everything is confusing. capish?
you guys have a code all your own. you talk in grunts. you point. details are often scarce. things are or they're not. and the other blues UNDERSTAND YOU. it's not wrong, just different.
females talk in detail. in great rambling run-on sentences. with points all over the place. i am terribly terribly terribly guilty of this. i throw everything at you and then get back (psssh. or not) to the original point light years later. you've seen this in me. i'm not apologizing... the girls follow. the boys are polite and just let me go.
in a very brief summary... (buy the book) here's the dilly
women.... to receive love from a man, speak and act with respect.
men.... to receive respect from a woman, speak and act with love
this is so simple. something so simple has revolutionized my entire thought process. i've thought that's logical, that's ridiculous, that's absurd... "it's all about love...love love love" EVEN THE BEATLES WERE WRONG. if john, paul, ringo and george got it wrong, this must be true. i've took a step back and analyzed this. i like the concept. i LOVE the concept.
I RESPECT the concept.
so follow. read. think. play around with this. i've got workbooks that i would love to show you. i'm not selling you amway. i didn't drink the punch (although the coffee was EXCELLENT..?) i'm not brainwashed. i'm not a zombie- although that would be AWESOME. i've just found something that i think taking a long glace at is worthwhile.
if i would have known this is the midst of the dating confusion, this may have changed everything. would i still be where i am right now? hmmmm. that's tough to say, but i'm pretty sure that there could've been a lot of broken hearts, angry words, and tears spared.
so here i am.... a pink. speaking blue.. it's unnatural. it's not easy. i can already see the benefits. guys thanks for your time.. speak pink. speak with love and you'll naturally get that respect you deserve.
ps. ladies... i told mr blue that i respected what he provides to this family and the garbage was taken out. and he did the dishes and cleaned the kitchen. i'm just saying......
let's talk pinks soon, shall we?
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
ALL BIG DOG GIRLS TO THE DJ BOOTH..... ALL GIRLS TO THE BOOTH
there's something about detroit. most of you know that i lived there for 10 years. most of you don't know that i left my heart there.
i went back for three days this week... 2 days for work related stuff, and the last day to find the pieces of my heart and try to bring them home. 2 outta the 3 were successful ventures.
there's the underpasses off 696. every time i pass under these, my breathing changes. i exhale and a calm comes over me... no matter how many years i've been gone from there, these underpasses scream to me "you're HOME". funny how time changes things. i moved to detroit as a child. i was BARELY 20, newly married, and terrified. i'd never been to the city. the traffic gave me panic attacks, and the highway system was mind boggling. growing up in Kalamazoo, you had 2 highways. that's it. so to wake up and hear traffic reports that you needed to start the day, to SURVIVE... was terrifying. i was lost for a long time... literally and figuratively.
i was shy and quiet and sheltered.. (true story, hold your shock). i was reserved and meek. i had no voice, no confidence and little moxy. i blended in. i was vanilla.
AND THEN.
i took a job as a waitress at the bar next to our apartment.
i don't know if the girls there actually took pity on me, or they REALLY needed help, but they hired me. and i began "LIVING".
regardless of the reasons i was hired, i was accepted. it was a sports bar that catered to softball teams 7 nights a week. we dressed like hooters girls. the girls were loud, bratty, crazy....... and the guys adored and worshiped the girls. i stood in awe of these girls who laughed too loud, hula hooped on tables, and made too much money. the more they abused the guys, the more money they made. i wanted to be exactly. like. them.
i wore the uniform. i began to yell back at the guys. i laughed, joined in on the whipped cream fights, and took up the pet name that was endearing to all of us--"Hooker".
the marriage didn't last.... not because of the job, but for a million reasons that i don't need to rehash. but the 10 girls were there. they were always there. Mama Rae, the ring leader that had originally taken pity on me and hired me... sat me down after the divorce and told me i had more in me, potential to be something awesome... to open up, let it out, be free. momma rae could have told me to jump off a pier and i would've listened. to this day i owe her everything i have become. she has been the biggest influence and mentor in my life.
but she's not the only one....
heather, the one would could kill you with the look of death or with a swift motion, you'd be in the garbage can before you knew it.. never gave me (too much grief) has shared with me the biggest moments in my life. there was marci, the party girl who was tattooed and pierced and the best walking dictionary on alcohol, but had a heart of gold. rosann, the one with boobs and a heart just as big. sarah, the girl next door who all the guys adored and threw amazing parties. the marzetti sisters: angela.. the mouth that didn't quit and a laugh that would melt your heart and amy, the baby of us, the bikini queen who's sass is STILL unrivaled to this day. amber, the badass that would give you the shirt off her back, or a room in her apartment when you really needed a place to stay...and amy b. who didn't put up with the ball players shit but had such a killer smile, they didn't care... and kristy, who's red hair matched her temper, could party like a rockstar, but her honesty was pure. and dancin' beth.. who was given her name because she could dance anywhere, anytime, to anything.
i loved these girls. i admired these girls. i took little pieces of advice from all of them. i was molded to take the pieces of them that i loved and apply them to my life. the end product is exactly what i wanted... a complete masterpiece that all of us big dog girls share..... we're too loud, we're opinionated and aren't afraid to tell you what's up, we laugh all the time.. especially at the inappropriate stuff, we're tough, we don't put up with your shit, and i'll be damned if we aren't all so stubborn that we WON'T go down without a battle.
(this isn't the blog for the stories for that era, and believe me... there's about a million. seriously. and i'll get there, i promise)
when the Big Dog closed, we all went our ways. we stayed in touch the best we could... i was with them for 6 years.. you don't leave your sisters behind. but time changes, people marry, move, have kids, get "grown up" jobs. so along comes facebook, and here we all are. with the ballplayers that gave us all their money. literally. all the money. we've all got together in the last couple years. it's always the same. the same stories, the same laughter, the same eye-rolling.. the same. amazingly the same. time may have changed dynamics, but it has not changed any of us. you're right, heather... true friendship doesn't see time as 5 years or 5 seconds....it picks up right where it left off.
i'm incredibly lucky to hae a group of friends that have an understanding that bitchface is a term of endearment, hooker is another word for best bud... and i hate you means i love you more than you could ever know.
thank you for all crating the monster that is ME.
i hate you all so much, you bitchface hookers.
i went back for three days this week... 2 days for work related stuff, and the last day to find the pieces of my heart and try to bring them home. 2 outta the 3 were successful ventures.
there's the underpasses off 696. every time i pass under these, my breathing changes. i exhale and a calm comes over me... no matter how many years i've been gone from there, these underpasses scream to me "you're HOME". funny how time changes things. i moved to detroit as a child. i was BARELY 20, newly married, and terrified. i'd never been to the city. the traffic gave me panic attacks, and the highway system was mind boggling. growing up in Kalamazoo, you had 2 highways. that's it. so to wake up and hear traffic reports that you needed to start the day, to SURVIVE... was terrifying. i was lost for a long time... literally and figuratively.
i was shy and quiet and sheltered.. (true story, hold your shock). i was reserved and meek. i had no voice, no confidence and little moxy. i blended in. i was vanilla.
AND THEN.
i took a job as a waitress at the bar next to our apartment.
i don't know if the girls there actually took pity on me, or they REALLY needed help, but they hired me. and i began "LIVING".
regardless of the reasons i was hired, i was accepted. it was a sports bar that catered to softball teams 7 nights a week. we dressed like hooters girls. the girls were loud, bratty, crazy....... and the guys adored and worshiped the girls. i stood in awe of these girls who laughed too loud, hula hooped on tables, and made too much money. the more they abused the guys, the more money they made. i wanted to be exactly. like. them.
i wore the uniform. i began to yell back at the guys. i laughed, joined in on the whipped cream fights, and took up the pet name that was endearing to all of us--"Hooker".
the marriage didn't last.... not because of the job, but for a million reasons that i don't need to rehash. but the 10 girls were there. they were always there. Mama Rae, the ring leader that had originally taken pity on me and hired me... sat me down after the divorce and told me i had more in me, potential to be something awesome... to open up, let it out, be free. momma rae could have told me to jump off a pier and i would've listened. to this day i owe her everything i have become. she has been the biggest influence and mentor in my life.
but she's not the only one....
heather, the one would could kill you with the look of death or with a swift motion, you'd be in the garbage can before you knew it.. never gave me (too much grief) has shared with me the biggest moments in my life. there was marci, the party girl who was tattooed and pierced and the best walking dictionary on alcohol, but had a heart of gold. rosann, the one with boobs and a heart just as big. sarah, the girl next door who all the guys adored and threw amazing parties. the marzetti sisters: angela.. the mouth that didn't quit and a laugh that would melt your heart and amy, the baby of us, the bikini queen who's sass is STILL unrivaled to this day. amber, the badass that would give you the shirt off her back, or a room in her apartment when you really needed a place to stay...and amy b. who didn't put up with the ball players shit but had such a killer smile, they didn't care... and kristy, who's red hair matched her temper, could party like a rockstar, but her honesty was pure. and dancin' beth.. who was given her name because she could dance anywhere, anytime, to anything.
i loved these girls. i admired these girls. i took little pieces of advice from all of them. i was molded to take the pieces of them that i loved and apply them to my life. the end product is exactly what i wanted... a complete masterpiece that all of us big dog girls share..... we're too loud, we're opinionated and aren't afraid to tell you what's up, we laugh all the time.. especially at the inappropriate stuff, we're tough, we don't put up with your shit, and i'll be damned if we aren't all so stubborn that we WON'T go down without a battle.
(this isn't the blog for the stories for that era, and believe me... there's about a million. seriously. and i'll get there, i promise)
when the Big Dog closed, we all went our ways. we stayed in touch the best we could... i was with them for 6 years.. you don't leave your sisters behind. but time changes, people marry, move, have kids, get "grown up" jobs. so along comes facebook, and here we all are. with the ballplayers that gave us all their money. literally. all the money. we've all got together in the last couple years. it's always the same. the same stories, the same laughter, the same eye-rolling.. the same. amazingly the same. time may have changed dynamics, but it has not changed any of us. you're right, heather... true friendship doesn't see time as 5 years or 5 seconds....it picks up right where it left off.
i'm incredibly lucky to hae a group of friends that have an understanding that bitchface is a term of endearment, hooker is another word for best bud... and i hate you means i love you more than you could ever know.
thank you for all crating the monster that is ME.
i hate you all so much, you bitchface hookers.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
" hey it's ok " dirty little secret edition
HEY... it's monday.. so that means it's time for Hey---it's ok. (because i'm making my own rules today)
SOOOOO....
HEY--it's ok......
*to know every word in songs of musical theater... or from the 1960's.... or by Rogers and Hammerstein. it's also ok to sometimes pretend that you're maria from the sound of music.
*to have dirty little secrets
*to laugh with your girlfriends over the same stories for a decade. it's even better if you all finish the same sentence with the same voice pitch. but no shrieking.
*to still pee a little bit while laughing to adam sandler "at a medium pace"
*to wish you had a pool so you could hire a pool boy.
*to make chocolate chip cookies just so you can eat the batter
*to really believe that you have outgrown Cosmo, but still read it because you just can't bear to subscribe to Woman's Day
*to quote Douglas Adams incessantly because it makes you feel smarter.
*to really not like certain people in this world and not hide the fact from them.
*to wonder what ever happened to pencils
*to accept the fact that if it zips, it DOESN'T always fit.
*to go to the movies by yourself. in your pajamas....and not be ashamed.
so there you have it. the more you know *shooting star*
SOOOOO....
HEY--it's ok......
*to know every word in songs of musical theater... or from the 1960's.... or by Rogers and Hammerstein. it's also ok to sometimes pretend that you're maria from the sound of music.
*to have dirty little secrets
*to laugh with your girlfriends over the same stories for a decade. it's even better if you all finish the same sentence with the same voice pitch. but no shrieking.
*to still pee a little bit while laughing to adam sandler "at a medium pace"
*to wish you had a pool so you could hire a pool boy.
*to make chocolate chip cookies just so you can eat the batter
*to really believe that you have outgrown Cosmo, but still read it because you just can't bear to subscribe to Woman's Day
*to quote Douglas Adams incessantly because it makes you feel smarter.
*to really not like certain people in this world and not hide the fact from them.
*to wonder what ever happened to pencils
*to accept the fact that if it zips, it DOESN'T always fit.
*to go to the movies by yourself. in your pajamas....and not be ashamed.
so there you have it. the more you know *shooting star*
Thursday, September 23, 2010
for the record... we take Hawiian currency.
well, aren't you all so lucky? two posts in two days. unfortunately this is truly a rant blog today.
my mood has been affected by work more so lately than ever. i suppose, who's isn't! long story short, there are a few guidelines in dealing with your waitstaff. (DISCLAIMER: all of my dear friends that come in to visit... THIS IS NOT DIRECTED AT YOU. you guys get it exactly right; i know this because i have never wanted to pry any of your faces off with a shovel.) this is more for the general public. that's not true. i just need to get this off my chest.
* don't order half drinks. no half decaf, half caff. this isn't starbucks. also, don't make your own coke zero by having half diet, half regular. it doesn't work that way. if you MUST order something mixed, please don't give me directions on how to mix it ie: 3/8 diet on the bottom, 1/ 16 regular, and layer accordingly. i don't do fractions.
*also, don't put hazelnut creamer in your pop.
keep that dirty little secret at home.
*don't invent your own menu. 1... MAYBE 2 substitutions.. don't be all rachel ray. you've already been labeled high maintenance, and nothing is ever gonna be what you want.
* if you need a napkin... ask for a napkin. don't unroll all the silverware on the table. silverware doesn't already come rolled.. unless it's plastic.
*be careful with the "funny" jokes. my name isn't "Flo", we don't have "big macs and fries", and saying you like your eggs "fertilized" is just plain nasty. also, i left my other arms at home, i CAN carry more plates, i DO have a college education, and if my arms are to full that i can't give you the finger, then i don't have change for a million dollar bill. and for the record, we DO take Hawaiian currency.. i'm a waitress, not an idiot.
*i like kids. i will give them crayons, talk on their level, ask THEM how their food is. I don't like PARENTS that let the kids eat all the jellies, drink the all the creamers, and pour the hot sauce on the ground. before you get all high horse, i know that babies make messes. but, please... for the future of civilization, teach your 8 year old some manners.
*know my name. if i have taken the time to remember your name, and the other 50 of you that come in on a daily basis.. along with where you work, what shows you watch, how the weather affects your bunions, and what you eat......learn my name. there's one of me. and i'm a Jennifer.... it's not much easier.
*I totally understand going to a place and ordering the same thing.(there's a salad that i crave to the point of embarrassing obsession at the pla.... ooops) but this is twofold.. one) if you come in everyday and order the exact same thing, we need to talk about you living a little. there's a big world out there, think outside the box (but don't be making shit up all willy-nilly: see above) and two) if you come in everyday to order oatmeal and toast, i'm sorry that i am either the highlight of your day or you are such a horrid cook that you can't even make oatmeal and toast.
* lets talk honestly about money here.. shall we? (i'll get to my origins as a waitress in another post... you just stay tuned for THAT series) waitressing is good money, if you know what you're doing. it's not because we make giant paychecks.. because $2.65 an hour doesn't make for good paychecks. see that $2.65 an hour. we don't make money because people throw money at us because we are awesome and funny and quippy and smiley and friendly, although they should. we make money on sheer mass of TURNOVERS. the more people we feed the more money we make. it literally COSTS me money to wait on you when you've been sitting for 3 hours drinking $2 coffee. not to mention the fact that all the people giving you the eye while they wait in line for you to finish up your 62 cup. i make good money. i do. i support my family, pay my bills, and am (usually) a productive member of society. i judge my performance on my pay immediately. i don't have the option of a phone to hide behind, or a breakroom to sneak away to. to my tables (at least), i am consistent. it's tough to show up everyday, to smile, to entertain, and to keep orders straight and drink fractions balanced. that extra dollar really does make a HUGE difference in our day.
*and finally... the most important... don't be a dick. don't show up at 2:15 when you KNOW we close at 2:30. you know that look you give clients when they call before close? i can't give you that look... at least til i turn around. don't be shitty, i control your food. don't degrade me, i'm somebody's daughter, wife, sister. and... I'm a Jennifer.
my mood has been affected by work more so lately than ever. i suppose, who's isn't! long story short, there are a few guidelines in dealing with your waitstaff. (DISCLAIMER: all of my dear friends that come in to visit... THIS IS NOT DIRECTED AT YOU. you guys get it exactly right; i know this because i have never wanted to pry any of your faces off with a shovel.) this is more for the general public. that's not true. i just need to get this off my chest.
* don't order half drinks. no half decaf, half caff. this isn't starbucks. also, don't make your own coke zero by having half diet, half regular. it doesn't work that way. if you MUST order something mixed, please don't give me directions on how to mix it ie: 3/8 diet on the bottom, 1/ 16 regular, and layer accordingly. i don't do fractions.
*also, don't put hazelnut creamer in your pop.
keep that dirty little secret at home.
*don't invent your own menu. 1... MAYBE 2 substitutions.. don't be all rachel ray. you've already been labeled high maintenance, and nothing is ever gonna be what you want.
* if you need a napkin... ask for a napkin. don't unroll all the silverware on the table. silverware doesn't already come rolled.. unless it's plastic.
*be careful with the "funny" jokes. my name isn't "Flo", we don't have "big macs and fries", and saying you like your eggs "fertilized" is just plain nasty. also, i left my other arms at home, i CAN carry more plates, i DO have a college education, and if my arms are to full that i can't give you the finger, then i don't have change for a million dollar bill. and for the record, we DO take Hawaiian currency.. i'm a waitress, not an idiot.
*i like kids. i will give them crayons, talk on their level, ask THEM how their food is. I don't like PARENTS that let the kids eat all the jellies, drink the all the creamers, and pour the hot sauce on the ground. before you get all high horse, i know that babies make messes. but, please... for the future of civilization, teach your 8 year old some manners.
*know my name. if i have taken the time to remember your name, and the other 50 of you that come in on a daily basis.. along with where you work, what shows you watch, how the weather affects your bunions, and what you eat......learn my name. there's one of me. and i'm a Jennifer.... it's not much easier.
*I totally understand going to a place and ordering the same thing.(there's a salad that i crave to the point of embarrassing obsession at the pla.... ooops) but this is twofold.. one) if you come in everyday and order the exact same thing, we need to talk about you living a little. there's a big world out there, think outside the box (but don't be making shit up all willy-nilly: see above) and two) if you come in everyday to order oatmeal and toast, i'm sorry that i am either the highlight of your day or you are such a horrid cook that you can't even make oatmeal and toast.
* lets talk honestly about money here.. shall we? (i'll get to my origins as a waitress in another post... you just stay tuned for THAT series) waitressing is good money, if you know what you're doing. it's not because we make giant paychecks.. because $2.65 an hour doesn't make for good paychecks. see that $2.65 an hour. we don't make money because people throw money at us because we are awesome and funny and quippy and smiley and friendly, although they should. we make money on sheer mass of TURNOVERS. the more people we feed the more money we make. it literally COSTS me money to wait on you when you've been sitting for 3 hours drinking $2 coffee. not to mention the fact that all the people giving you the eye while they wait in line for you to finish up your 62 cup. i make good money. i do. i support my family, pay my bills, and am (usually) a productive member of society. i judge my performance on my pay immediately. i don't have the option of a phone to hide behind, or a breakroom to sneak away to. to my tables (at least), i am consistent. it's tough to show up everyday, to smile, to entertain, and to keep orders straight and drink fractions balanced. that extra dollar really does make a HUGE difference in our day.
*and finally... the most important... don't be a dick. don't show up at 2:15 when you KNOW we close at 2:30. you know that look you give clients when they call before close? i can't give you that look... at least til i turn around. don't be shitty, i control your food. don't degrade me, i'm somebody's daughter, wife, sister. and... I'm a Jennifer.
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