sometimes it's tough to be human. aside from all the stresses, and the bills, and the jobs, and the family, and the self maintenance and and and...that's life. i'm not talking life today. i'm talking human.
emotions.
easily, i've lost a few of my readers now. probably due to the fact that discussions of emotions are the pink elephant in the room; the things easier turned away from; the embarrassment of the stuff swept under the proverbial life rug and ignored.
but why?? why do we shy away from the things that every person that has ever lived feels? one could argue the fact that we all feel the same basic emotions (love, joy, anger, sadness, fear), but we feel them in different ways. one could argue that emotions are learned and taught instead of given, or that you are genetically predisposed to a specific emotion that defines their being daily. i'm not even going to touch that. that's not what i'm about. well, that's not what i'm about TODAY.
i'm also aware that there is a very very very broad spectrum of emotions that are covered under the umbrella of the some what vague 5 emotions that i gave above..... (see http://changingminds.org/explanations/emotions/basic%20emotions.htm)
i'm pretty sure that we shy away from discussing emotions is the fact that it's a powerful, painful experience. we've all shared the same emotions, so it should be so much easier to relate to one another. to empathize, to sympathize, to feel.. but it's certainly not. emotions are far to intimate, far to embarrassing, far to scary to be broadcasting around all willy-nilly.
but... my blog. i'm gonna do it. don't panic, gentle reader. i'm only gonna touch base on an emotion that has me all tore up. i'm not even sure what category it falls under.. because frankly. it feels like it encompasses all of them.
i care too much. i can see how you're probably laughing about that right now- provided all my rants about customers and the stupidity of the general public, but push them aside for a moment. if i know YOU... i care about you. deeply.
i was taught early on never to burn bridges..... and, for the most part, i've followed that. i'm still friends with many of my old coworkers, bosses, and ex-boyfriends. i'm friends with people that have stabbed me in the back, the front, and have torn out the pieces of my shattered heart. forgiveness is a virtue, and i'd really love to be forgiven for some of the stunts i've pulled.
the cost of these relationships to be mended is huge. it's a lot of hours, usually by email or the phone: rehashing what went wrong, who misunderstood whom, who felt what when, and trying not to point fingers. there's always a million tears, a thousand realizations, putting yourself under the microscope, the humility and the embarrassment. no matter how angry i was at you, once these steps have been completed, i forgive you. we move on. and i have a whole new respect for you. you also receive, as a bonus gift, my undying concern for you.
i'm not nosy. i ask a million questions because i want to know things, to understand, to relate. i want to help/ to make sure the choices you made were right for you/ to believe that you are in the best place you could possibly be. i have so much love for you all, you need to know that.
if you and i have had a falling out, i'm extending this as an apology. no excuses, but time changes people. i'm willing to forgive and forget, to move on, to build anew.
challenge yourself to reach out to the people that have hurt you, no matter how scary or how angry it could be. i promise, that even if the result isn't what you expected, you'll sleep a little better.
and because i love you all so much, i'll sleep better too. if you don't do it for you, do it for my sleeping patterns. nobody likes a crabby waitress.
