it's that time of year again. the leaves are changing, the air is crisp in the morning, and there's too much Halloween candy at my disposal. i used to love Halloween. we never bought our costumes, we always made or borrowed them. i suppose it didn't matter what we wore, because we always had to cover it up with winter jackets or layer it over long underwear and sweatshirts.I'm pretty sure there were a few costumes over snowsuits and boots. times have changed, the weather in Michigan doesn't..... so I'm wondering why these girls run around in no clothes on Halloween.
now... before you think I'm about to get all preachy...I'm not. i don't care what you do, or who you do it with, or how you do it. your life.... your shit. i don't mind that you wear a bra and panties and run around at parties calling your costume "Victoria's secret angel" or "super sexy construction worker" etc. etc. i just want to know WHY you would subject yourself to the cold.
don't get me wrong..... i was once in my 20's with a tight little body that gravity hadn't sunk it's dirty little claws into.. i've worked in a few restaurants with semi-questionable attire. I've bartended at places where we hula hooped or line danced on the bar. i'm no stranger to late nights out, or massive hang overs, or the thoughts that go hand in hand : WHAT happened last night??? which is followed by: i'm NEVER drinking again. there's been stories, and fights...laughs and tears. .... i'm still known to "tie on one" every now and again. but this time, now, i'm not waking up on my couch with an ironing board, resistance band, and a bag of cheetos on me. i can't. it seems to take literally weeks to recover from a bender.
and then there's the respect i have for my husband's sobriety.
Halloween is a big deal in this house....not because I'm a funeral director (go on, split hairs... I'm working as a waitress, but i do have a funeral directors license. just be quiet and continue reading)...ironically, Halloween here is about life. Cory will be 8 years sober on Halloween.
his story isn't mine to tell. I'm only still beginning to understand so so so much of the life of an alcoholic and addict. i knew this going into our relationship there have never been any secrets; honesty is a very big part of recovery, so all my questions were respectfully answered. i ask a lot of questions. repeatedly.
this has been the most fulfilling/challenging/emotional/loving experience i have ever had. to put this in a nutshell, i have nothing but the utmost respect and love for any person that can put their life under the microscope, analyze it, and change it. all of it. every thought, every action, every concept. changed. wiped clean. start over. brand new,
working everyday to fight the only thing you have ever known.
unfortunately (well, fortunately. actually) out with the old. the old ways are gone and so are the old friends cory had. it's a touchy subject, but i'm braving the front. my husband is more important to me than the feedback i could potentially receive off this. i often get asked why cory is distant; why he doesn't hang out with his friends that he's known for decades.
because they will kill him. literally.
he's worked too hard at sobriety to make one move with the wrong crowd. he's smarter now; more self aware. he's too respectful to say the things i'm dying to get off my chest for his sake. so dammit... i'm talking about it.
i had this whole big diatribe written and erased it. my point is this (fair warning that my language WILL be graphic here)
exactly who in the fuck do you think you are offering to celebrate cory's sobriety by taking him out for a beer?
(this has happened on more than a few occasions.)
what kind of sick, diluted, souless shell of a creature are you that this is even remotely acceptable? it's a joke, you say. it's disgusting. it's like me asking your parent who is dying of lung cancer to go out for a smoke. see? not funny.
it's almost worse seeing it in writing, i'm so furious now that if i keep writing, i fear this could rival the infamous f-bomb rant from the "Boondock Saints."
what the hell. i'm in a mood.
so there's that. respect what he's gone through. respect him as a person. but most of all respect him as a sober, hard working, evolving, productive member of society.
ps. if you want to take somebody out to celebrate... take me. i've got a few good spars left in this gravity laden body.
