To err is human, to forgive...... divine.

sometimes it's tough to be human. aside from all the stresses, and the bills, and the jobs, and the family, and the self maintenance and and and...that's life. i'm not talking life today. i'm talking human.

emotions.

easily, i've lost a few of my readers now. probably due to the fact that discussions of emotions are the pink elephant in the room; the things easier turned away from; the embarrassment of the stuff swept under the proverbial life rug and ignored.

but why?? why do we shy away from the things that every person that has ever lived feels? one could argue the fact that we all feel the same basic emotions (love, joy, anger, sadness, fear), but we feel them in different ways. one could argue that emotions are learned and taught instead of given, or that you are genetically predisposed to a specific emotion that defines their being daily. i'm not even going to touch that. that's not what i'm about. well, that's not what i'm about TODAY.

i'm also aware that there is a very very very broad spectrum of emotions that are covered under the umbrella of the some what vague 5 emotions that i gave above..... (see http://changingminds.org/explanations/emotions/basic%20emotions.htm)

i'm pretty sure that we shy away from discussing emotions is the fact that it's a powerful, painful experience. we've all shared the same emotions, so it should be so much easier to relate to one another. to empathize, to sympathize, to feel.. but it's certainly not. emotions are far to intimate, far to embarrassing, far to scary to be broadcasting around all willy-nilly.

but... my blog. i'm gonna do it. don't panic, gentle reader. i'm only gonna touch base on an emotion that has me all tore up. i'm not even sure what category it falls under.. because frankly. it feels like it encompasses all of them.

i care too much. i can see how you're probably laughing about that right now- provided all my rants about customers and the stupidity of the general public, but push them aside for a moment. if i know YOU... i care about you. deeply.
i was taught early on never to burn bridges..... and, for the most part, i've followed that. i'm still friends with many of my old coworkers, bosses, and ex-boyfriends. i'm friends with people that have stabbed me in the back, the front, and have torn out the pieces of my shattered heart. forgiveness is a virtue, and i'd really love to be forgiven for some of the stunts i've pulled.

the cost of these relationships to be mended is huge. it's a lot of hours, usually by email or the phone: rehashing what went wrong, who misunderstood whom, who felt what when, and trying not to point fingers. there's always a million tears, a thousand realizations, putting yourself under the microscope, the humility and the embarrassment. no matter how angry i was at you, once these steps have been completed, i forgive you. we move on. and i have a whole new respect for you. you also receive, as a bonus gift, my undying concern for you.

i'm not nosy. i ask a million questions because i want to know things, to understand, to relate. i want to help/ to make sure the choices you made were right for you/ to believe that you are in the best place you could possibly be. i have so much love for you all, you need to know that.

if you and i have had a falling out, i'm extending this as an apology. no excuses, but time changes people. i'm willing to forgive and forget, to move on, to build anew.
challenge yourself to reach out to the people that have hurt you, no matter how scary or how angry it could be. i promise, that even if the result isn't what you expected, you'll sleep a little better.

and because i love you all so much, i'll sleep better too. if you don't do it for you, do it for my sleeping patterns. nobody likes a crabby waitress.

.....probably no more than you'd care for a uterus in your wallet.

let's talk, shall we? or given the circumstance, i'll type and you read.

this whole "where do you set your purse, but keep it a secret from the guys" thing really drives me nuts. i hate it. WHO CARES? i read a few posts from a friends page yesterday.. and it really got me thinking....although, one could probably put plastic wrap in front of me and i would ponder that indefinitely also. my friends friend was arguing the fact that posts like this "overtly sexualize facebook"....at least that's what i think she was trying to say. i thought that was HILARIOUS, being that facebook is probably pretty darn tame compared to what a few simple clicks could find you. the internet isn't known first hand for it's wealth of knowledge. that's neither here nor there.

the point of all this, the part that bothers me-infuriates me- is the part that wants us to believe that men are so stupid, so meatheaded, so clueless... that they can't figure this out. what we are really showing ourselves is that WE are so stupid, so SELFISH, so egotistical as females.

i waited on a table last night. a young family with four kids under the age of four. i watched the poor husband drag in child after child while his wife pointed the way, barked the orders, tried to run the whole circus. now, i don't know anything about this family and their dynamic... but my heart bleed for this poor guy. he was obviously just out of work for the day, and every choice he was contemplating for dinner was met with a contradiction from the wife. poor guy just wanted a beer. she made him drink diet coke. he wanted alfredo, she made him get marinara. he was deflated, sad, tired. the wife and husband didn't talk. or sit by each other. it was about the hellions.... er, kids.

I'll stop to take a breather here. mothers, please pay attention here. please. i understand that mothers are different. kids first... and please don't give me that shit about me not understanding "because i don't have kids". on the contrary, i have 3. i didn't birth them, but they are still my kids. end of debate. no, i'm not done. if i hear this anymore, about my not understanding what it's like.... trust me, i wouldn't stick around to see my reaction. breather over..


i'm just gonna say it.... his balls were in her purse.

now, i carry a lot of stuff in my purse. but i don't want any balls in my purse. call me crazy, but i don't want them. probably no more than you'd care for a uterus in your wallet. that was gross. sorry.

ladies, please give your husband, boyfriend, significant other, his balls back. let him make his own choices, live his own life, let him be respected. he is a PERSON, a HUMAN, a MAN.

let's stop this demoraliztion of males. don't make them buy tampons, or hold your purse, or iron your panties ( unless you designated chores, but seriously, who does this?). he provides for you, he loves you, he does a LOT. give the man some credit, a voice; let him watch the game, play video games at obscene levels, and paint his body for football games. let the boys be boys.

and when you do give him his balls back.... realize that he's not an idiot. he just let you hold onto them so you'd shut up.

pink vs. blue

i've done a lot of traveling this week. along with the traveling came a LOT of emotions. while in detroit, i met up with quite a few old friends. friends that i thought i had lost for many reasons. friends, that i found out, hadn't been lost at all. friends that picked up exactly where we left off. so heather, amber, matt and ben.... i thank you. you have done so much for my spirit and no matter what the reason being that we haven't connected previously, i thank you for making my heart fill with love and a sense of home. for those of you that i didn't see.... there's another adventure coming ... i'm sure.

i also ended up with an absolute horrific cold and sinus infection... one requiring antibiotics and codine. not terrific. alieve cold and sinus is nothing short of a miracle. being the giving person that i am, i promptly passed this on to cory.... although where he picked up the pukey stomach bug is beyond me.

this weekend was spent at a love and respect marriage seminar in grand rapids. 2 days of learning love and respect. we were so fortunate to go with 2 of our dearest friends, rae and brody. i knew that if the seminar was a flop, i could rely on these 2 to keep me entertained. the seminar wasn't a flop.

what i'm about to tell you is about to change your life... if you choose to accept this mission. or don't. i was so overwhelmed by this concept that it still hasn't sunk in and i'm a little angry that i didn't think of this. this isn't just for marriages; it's for relationships. EVERY relationship. if you follow this blog, and i'll try not to fault you if you don't, you are familiar with how i feel about relationships. they're kinda a big deal.

so here it is. hang on.


women think in pink.. men think in blue.



TAAAAA DAAAAAAHHHH!!!


simple right? ehhhhh. not so much

i'll break it down as simple as i can... otherwise you have to buy the book "Love and Respect" by Emerson Eggriches, ph.d..... or you can pay ME $35 to go thru this with you (also, just buy the book... i don't have the time to make house calls)



the basis is this. women are motivated by love (pink) and men are motivated by respect (blue).

women see in pink.. we talk thru pink, hear in pink, reason in pink. men do the same in blue. which is why i talk to my giirlfriends in pink and they UNDERSTAND in pink. but when i talk to blue in pink... everything is confusing. capish?


you guys have a code all your own. you talk in grunts. you point. details are often scarce. things are or they're not. and the other blues UNDERSTAND YOU. it's not wrong, just different.

females talk in detail. in great rambling run-on sentences. with points all over the place. i am terribly terribly terribly guilty of this. i throw everything at you and then get back (psssh. or not) to the original point light years later. you've seen this in me. i'm not apologizing... the girls follow. the boys are polite and just let me go.


in a very brief summary... (buy the book) here's the dilly

women.... to receive love from a man, speak and act with respect.

men.... to receive respect from a woman, speak and act with love




this is so simple. something so simple has revolutionized my entire thought process. i've thought that's logical, that's ridiculous, that's absurd... "it's all about love...love love love" EVEN THE BEATLES WERE WRONG. if john, paul, ringo and george got it wrong, this must be true. i've took a step back and analyzed this. i like the concept. i LOVE the concept.

I RESPECT the concept.

so follow. read. think. play around with this. i've got workbooks that i would love to show you. i'm not selling you amway. i didn't drink the punch (although the coffee was EXCELLENT..?) i'm not brainwashed. i'm not a zombie- although that would be AWESOME. i've just found something that i think taking a long glace at is worthwhile.

if i would have known this is the midst of the dating confusion, this may have changed everything. would i still be where i am right now? hmmmm. that's tough to say, but i'm pretty sure that there could've been a lot of broken hearts, angry words, and tears spared.




so here i am.... a pink. speaking blue.. it's unnatural. it's not easy. i can already see the benefits. guys thanks for your time.. speak pink. speak with love and you'll naturally get that respect you deserve.









ps. ladies... i told mr blue that i respected what he provides to this family and the garbage was taken out. and he did the dishes and cleaned the kitchen. i'm just saying......


let's talk pinks soon, shall we?

ALL BIG DOG GIRLS TO THE DJ BOOTH..... ALL GIRLS TO THE BOOTH

there's something about detroit. most of you know that i lived there for 10 years. most of you don't know that i left my heart there.

i went back for three days this week... 2 days for work related stuff, and the last day to find the pieces of my heart and try to bring them home. 2 outta the 3 were successful ventures.

there's the underpasses off 696. every time i pass under these, my breathing changes. i exhale and a calm comes over me... no matter how many years i've been gone from there, these underpasses scream to me "you're HOME". funny how time changes things. i moved to detroit as a child. i was BARELY 20, newly married, and terrified. i'd never been to the city. the traffic gave me panic attacks, and the highway system was mind boggling. growing up in Kalamazoo, you had 2 highways. that's it. so to wake up and hear traffic reports that you needed to start the day, to SURVIVE... was terrifying. i was lost for a long time... literally and figuratively.

i was shy and quiet and sheltered.. (true story, hold your shock). i was reserved and meek. i had no voice, no confidence and little moxy. i blended in. i was vanilla.


AND THEN.


i took a job as a waitress at the bar next to our apartment.

i don't know if the girls there actually took pity on me, or they REALLY needed help, but they hired me. and i began "LIVING".
regardless of the reasons i was hired, i was accepted. it was a sports bar that catered to softball teams 7 nights a week. we dressed like hooters girls. the girls were loud, bratty, crazy....... and the guys adored and worshiped the girls. i stood in awe of these girls who laughed too loud, hula hooped on tables, and made too much money. the more they abused the guys, the more money they made. i wanted to be exactly. like. them.

i wore the uniform. i began to yell back at the guys. i laughed, joined in on the whipped cream fights, and took up the pet name that was endearing to all of us--"Hooker".

the marriage didn't last.... not because of the job, but for a million reasons that i don't need to rehash. but the 10 girls were there. they were always there. Mama Rae, the ring leader that had originally taken pity on me and hired me... sat me down after the divorce and told me i had more in me, potential to be something awesome... to open up, let it out, be free. momma rae could have told me to jump off a pier and i would've listened. to this day i owe her everything i have become. she has been the biggest influence and mentor in my life.
but she's not the only one....

heather, the one would could kill you with the look of death or with a swift motion, you'd be in the garbage can before you knew it.. never gave me (too much grief) has shared with me the biggest moments in my life. there was marci, the party girl who was tattooed and pierced and the best walking dictionary on alcohol, but had a heart of gold. rosann, the one with boobs and a heart just as big. sarah, the girl next door who all the guys adored and threw amazing parties. the marzetti sisters: angela.. the mouth that didn't quit and a laugh that would melt your heart and amy, the baby of us, the bikini queen who's sass is STILL unrivaled to this day. amber, the badass that would give you the shirt off her back, or a room in her apartment when you really needed a place to stay...and amy b. who didn't put up with the ball players shit but had such a killer smile, they didn't care... and kristy, who's red hair matched her temper, could party like a rockstar, but her honesty was pure. and dancin' beth.. who was given her name because she could dance anywhere, anytime, to anything.

i loved these girls. i admired these girls. i took little pieces of advice from all of them. i was molded to take the pieces of them that i loved and apply them to my life. the end product is exactly what i wanted... a complete masterpiece that all of us big dog girls share..... we're too loud, we're opinionated and aren't afraid to tell you what's up, we laugh all the time.. especially at the inappropriate stuff, we're tough, we don't put up with your shit, and i'll be damned if we aren't all so stubborn that we WON'T go down without a battle.

(this isn't the blog for the stories for that era, and believe me... there's about a million. seriously. and i'll get there, i promise)

when the Big Dog closed, we all went our ways. we stayed in touch the best we could... i was with them for 6 years.. you don't leave your sisters behind. but time changes, people marry, move, have kids, get "grown up" jobs. so along comes facebook, and here we all are. with the ballplayers that gave us all their money. literally. all the money. we've all got together in the last couple years. it's always the same. the same stories, the same laughter, the same eye-rolling.. the same. amazingly the same. time may have changed dynamics, but it has not changed any of us. you're right, heather... true friendship doesn't see time as 5 years or 5 seconds....it picks up right where it left off.

i'm incredibly lucky to hae a group of friends that have an understanding that bitchface is a term of endearment, hooker is another word for best bud... and i hate you means i love you more than you could ever know.

thank you for all crating the monster that is ME.

i hate you all so much, you bitchface hookers.

" hey it's ok " dirty little secret edition

HEY... it's monday.. so that means it's time for Hey---it's ok. (because i'm making my own rules today)

SOOOOO....


HEY--it's ok......

*to know every word in songs of musical theater... or from the 1960's.... or by Rogers and Hammerstein. it's also ok to sometimes pretend that you're maria from the sound of music.

*to have dirty little secrets

*to laugh with your girlfriends over the same stories for a decade. it's even better if you all finish the same sentence with the same voice pitch. but no shrieking.

*to still pee a little bit while laughing to adam sandler "at a medium pace"

*to wish you had a pool so you could hire a pool boy.

*to make chocolate chip cookies just so you can eat the batter

*to really believe that you have outgrown Cosmo, but still read it because you just can't bear to subscribe to Woman's Day

*to quote Douglas Adams incessantly because it makes you feel smarter.

*to really not like certain people in this world and not hide the fact from them.

*to wonder what ever happened to pencils

*to accept the fact that if it zips, it DOESN'T always fit.

*to go to the movies by yourself. in your pajamas....and not be ashamed.


so there you have it. the more you know *shooting star*

for the record... we take Hawiian currency.

well, aren't you all so lucky? two posts in two days. unfortunately this is truly a rant blog today.

my mood has been affected by work more so lately than ever. i suppose, who's isn't! long story short, there are a few guidelines in dealing with your waitstaff. (DISCLAIMER: all of my dear friends that come in to visit... THIS IS NOT DIRECTED AT YOU. you guys get it exactly right; i know this because i have never wanted to pry any of your faces off with a shovel.) this is more for the general public. that's not true. i just need to get this off my chest.

* don't order half drinks. no half decaf, half caff. this isn't starbucks. also, don't make your own coke zero by having half diet, half regular. it doesn't work that way. if you MUST order something mixed, please don't give me directions on how to mix it ie: 3/8 diet on the bottom, 1/ 16 regular, and layer accordingly. i don't do fractions.
*also, don't put hazelnut creamer in your pop.
keep that dirty little secret at home.

*don't invent your own menu. 1... MAYBE 2 substitutions.. don't be all rachel ray. you've already been labeled high maintenance, and nothing is ever gonna be what you want.

* if you need a napkin... ask for a napkin. don't unroll all the silverware on the table. silverware doesn't already come rolled.. unless it's plastic.

*be careful with the "funny" jokes. my name isn't "Flo", we don't have "big macs and fries", and saying you like your eggs "fertilized" is just plain nasty. also, i left my other arms at home, i CAN carry more plates, i DO have a college education, and if my arms are to full that i can't give you the finger, then i don't have change for a million dollar bill. and for the record, we DO take Hawaiian currency.. i'm a waitress, not an idiot.

*i like kids. i will give them crayons, talk on their level, ask THEM how their food is. I don't like PARENTS that let the kids eat all the jellies, drink the all the creamers, and pour the hot sauce on the ground. before you get all high horse, i know that babies make messes. but, please... for the future of civilization, teach your 8 year old some manners.

*know my name. if i have taken the time to remember your name, and the other 50 of you that come in on a daily basis.. along with where you work, what shows you watch, how the weather affects your bunions, and what you eat......learn my name. there's one of me. and i'm a Jennifer.... it's not much easier.

*I totally understand going to a place and ordering the same thing.(there's a salad that i crave to the point of embarrassing obsession at the pla.... ooops) but this is twofold.. one) if you come in everyday and order the exact same thing, we need to talk about you living a little. there's a big world out there, think outside the box (but don't be making shit up all willy-nilly: see above) and two) if you come in everyday to order oatmeal and toast, i'm sorry that i am either the highlight of your day or you are such a horrid cook that you can't even make oatmeal and toast.


* lets talk honestly about money here.. shall we? (i'll get to my origins as a waitress in another post... you just stay tuned for THAT series) waitressing is good money, if you know what you're doing. it's not because we make giant paychecks.. because $2.65 an hour doesn't make for good paychecks. see that $2.65 an hour. we don't make money because people throw money at us because we are awesome and funny and quippy and smiley and friendly, although they should. we make money on sheer mass of TURNOVERS. the more people we feed the more money we make. it literally COSTS me money to wait on you when you've been sitting for 3 hours drinking $2 coffee. not to mention the fact that all the people giving you the eye while they wait in line for you to finish up your 62 cup. i make good money. i do. i support my family, pay my bills, and am (usually) a productive member of society. i judge my performance on my pay immediately. i don't have the option of a phone to hide behind, or a breakroom to sneak away to. to my tables (at least), i am consistent. it's tough to show up everyday, to smile, to entertain, and to keep orders straight and drink fractions balanced. that extra dollar really does make a HUGE difference in our day.

*and finally... the most important... don't be a dick. don't show up at 2:15 when you KNOW we close at 2:30. you know that look you give clients when they call before close? i can't give you that look... at least til i turn around. don't be shitty, i control your food. don't degrade me, i'm somebody's daughter, wife, sister. and... I'm a Jennifer.

hey... it's ok to to be appreciated more for your brains than your bra size.

because i do things on my own time (i prefer to think of my self as a trend "setter" not a "follower"..well, usually. sometimes. not really so much) i tend to be a little late getting on the band wagon, if i care to even glance at the band wagon. some band wagons are really worth taking a look, and ride on. My very dear friends, Maryann (of kmzeller.blogspot.com), Nancy (of thenancydiaries.blogspot.com) and Sarah (of alittlewhineandcheese.com) all took the blogging steps before me... and i still have much to learn from these pioneering creative souls. BUT, as per my style... i'm doing it (hence the last one in the pool. eh.. get it? GET IT??) maryann had this great idea (albeit, borrowed from glamour magazine..but a fantastic theft still) and, in the spirit of friendship, i'm taking it to be my own. except on wednesday.

hey... it's ok.....

* to be upset that you lost the Wii in the custody battle, but only because you didn't pay for it in the first place

* to say that american pickers was deleted from the DVR because "A&E won't record things on their channel". except hoarders.

* be really really really excited about the "Big Bang Theory season 3" that just came out on DVD, but only because the other 2 seasons are so lonely on the shelf.

* to block your step kids off your facebook page because you're pretty sure that their mom is reading your posts via them.

* to leave a candle unattended ONCE in a while.

* to think other people my age are getting so old.

* to rather watch Dexter because it makes me think, than to watch Jersey Shore because it makes me want to pull my face off. and also, blood and guts are cool.

* to believe that a bottle of wine seems like a perfectly reasonable thing to have for dinner

* to read the book and have no interest in the movie. however... if is NEVER ok to do the opposite.

* to still hang out with your ex's friends. simply because they are incredibly cool people. and he got the Wii

* to have the NERDIEST netflix queue ever.. and be excited about it. biographies, indies, documentaries... lets talk!

* and on that note... to be appreciated more for your brains than your bra size.

it's because of Reverend Fox.

some people shop. i don't have the money. some people party. i don't have the tolerance. some people so to therapists. i can't bear the thought of having to PAY someone to listen to me, poor thing. my therapy is painting. picasso be dammed, i paint walls. rooms. trim. doors. it shuts me up and makes martha stewart proud.

the painting is something i do to clear my head, and the paint fumes make things more interesting. i should mention that i do all the painting, taping, clean up ALONE. because it's not fair to yell more at someone else who drips on the floor less than yours truly. usually clearing out the ol' cranium is a ridiculous smattering of thoughts that would confuse an expert on ADD. tonight was different. i was asked a question a few weeks ago... and it's stuck in my head.

"why on EARTH would you marry another christian high student???!!!"

the answer is: Rev. Fox.






that's right. super joe. the rev. the keeper of the fox-box.


if you would have told 17 year old me and my perm that we would be marrying a boy from the same polka-dotted halls.... 17 year old me would have replied with an eye roll and "psshh. as if!" mostly due to the fact that i'm pretty sure that none of the guys from the polka-dotted hall saw me as anything but a girl that laughed too loud and had bad hair. (both are true) high school is... well.... you all know. you've all done it. but, KCHS is a little different. if you didn't go there... feel free to tune out. i totally understand. i'll get back to you guys in another blog.

i'd ask if you remember chapel... and then i'd feel stupid because how could you not? if you were sneaky enough to somehow manage to sneak out of the walk between homeroom and the gym to attend to "more important issues", well, nice work. (and for the record, the rest of us knew that you were at sweetwaters. or smoking up on westerns campus.) chances are still pretty good that you attended at least one. (hopefully the one where we dropped all the pennies because that was pretty amazing) anyway.... the rev. joe would be up there, preaching away, singing heartily... oblivious to the fact that there was a pretty small group paying attention, not passing notes, not changing words to songs, not counting the minutes until the group that didn't successfully escape the herding, could get the donuts after chapel.

christian high is something else. i loved high school and am eternally grateful for the education i recieved there.... i realize that this is not the norm. not everybody felt that way or had a great time. but we all had chapel. we all had 4 years of bible. we all had to sit in bio and smell the formeldehyde of the cats that would be disected. we all took a computer class before the internet was even a thing.

there's only 500 people or so that can relate to that..... KCHS from 1991-1995. there's only about 120 of us that look back at the class of 95 and ask "when did we get so old?".

so there, my friends, is your answer. you marry people that understand things no one else does.

it doesn't have to be from high school.. because lets face it.. it IS a little strange. it's from college, from work, from church, FROM LIFE. people are put in our lives every day... it's up to us to figure out why they are there.


so thank you... ALL of you. you've all fit into my life so perfectly.


oh.... and thanks for loving me in spite of the perms. and tight rolled, tapered leg jeans (you did it too)

i named my brother "Jeremy" for a reason....

there's a lot in life that we can't choose. we don't have a choice in birth order, we don't have a choice in being male or female ( let's not debate here, people... just follow), we don't have a choice in how others preconceived notions will affect us, and we really can't choose the right way for a person to live their life.

there's plenty in life that we can't do anything about... i have no pull over the air conditioner being broken at work. i have nothing to do with the repaving of the parking lot. and i CERTAINLY have no say in why the temperature is 90 degrees with 87% humidity... or that you're eating in a restaurant with no air, and a torn up parking lot on such a summer day.

HOWEVER... (insert big sigh and various hand motions that i apparently do.. do i? hmm)
there's even more in our lives that we can choose. i'm the oldest child. i CHOOSE not to see my brother as a punching bag any more ( the fact that he's been a roofer and is HUGE, is neither here nor there) i now see him as my brother. and a husband, and an incredible father. i still wish he could be a punching bag. i didn't choose to be a daughter; an oldest and only daughter. but i DO choose to be the level headed one, the go to, the perpetual mediator, the eternal optimist mixed shamelessly with being the realist that i no doubt am. if you want something sugar coated form me, i'll give you a doughnut. i chose to be a wife...(some of us needed a practice run early on... but we got it the second time) for better or for worse, through sickness and in health. i CHOOSE to trust again, to open up, and to grow.... always tested, always strengthening, always loving.

i have chosen to open up to a new group of friends. this was the hardest thing i've had to do. my old friends are amazing, they GET me... no easy task for sure. they've seen the whole show, we have understandings, we have jokes, we have history. and we also have distance.... and spouses, and children, and aging parents....


i've put my faith in a whole new lot. i've joined a bible study, we're going to a marriage convention, i've opened up and been accepted for who i am. good things have come... good things will continue. even through the black pits, and dark valleys, and empty wastelands that are certainly part of CHOOSING to live....there is love. there is family. there are friends. there is God.




Jeremiah 29:11-12
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you."

Live like everybody loves you. If they don't--their loss. (It helps if you're not a jerk)

i'm gonna wax poetic. mostly because.. well, solely because, it's my blog. i've had an epiphany in the last 24 hours.




See Fight Club:

"Everywhere I travel, tiny life. Single-serving sugar, single-serving cream, single pat of butter. The microwave Cordon Bleu hobby kit. Shampoo-conditioner combos, sample-packaged mouthwash, tiny bars of soap. The people I meet on each flight? They're single-serving friends."

If you don't get the point now, you never will....

Then there are my friends with a Two Week Shelf Life.
It's not that we make buddy buddy, dance our dance and then float separate ways like dandelion seeds in the wind. That would be... pointless.

Each of these friends shares a common point in my life. Each one represents a period of time or a story. Some are comedies, some are dramas, some are horrors, some are action, maybe even a couple of romances in there. Each one is important. Each one shapes you to who you are today. Be it good or be it bad, each one of these friends influenced you at some point in your life be it early developmental, teenage, college, or the life after.

There are so many of these people out there...
how do you keep track of them all? the internet, cell phones, social networking.. blah blah blah....is actually pretty handy for that. I've caught up with friends around the country I've not talked to in ages! You get back in touch with these people that were important at some point in your life and you correspond, usually briefly then go your separate ways once more. It's not because you don't care about that person, but your lives aren't on the same path they once were. That person is still important, but they're just not a priority at the moment.

Prioritizing friends...
isn't that a bitch? It sounds so selfish and conceited, but it's true. Each one of these friendships is a relationship. Actually everything we do in life is based on relationships. Work, Play, Love, the places we shop, the places we hang out, the clothing we buy... all relationships. I guess the question is how many relationships do you have room in your life for? How many of these relationships can you maintain at the same time without putting someone up on the shelf until you either need them again, you happen to run into each other, or it's convenient for both of you??? That's where the two week shelf life comes in. That's how long you last before you're 'tossed aside.'

It's not who's important and who's not.
Not that easy. Look me in the eye and tell me the people in your past aren't important and I'll call you a liar. Lie to yourself all you want, but keep me out of it. It's more about who's important RIGHT NOW, right? You're not looking for Mr./Mrs. Right... you're looking for Mr./Mrs. RIGHT NOW. We want things cheap, fast, and easy. It's the American Way. Relationships are work and nobody likes to work. How much work can one person really accomplish in a day? I can tell you exactly how much. About 24 Hours worth... but you have to remember to sleep, then you should really eat sometime... I mean that Kate Moss / Euro-Heroin Sheik look isn't in right now.... It's finding the time. What is your time worth. WHO is your time worth??? You might appreciate it more when you notice you don't have any.

It's a balancing act.
We can all balance it to some degree, but if you ask me to get up on a tight rope you have something coming to you. I'll give you a hint... it involves kitchen utensils, an Eggplant, and some pain. What happens when your act gets out of balance? We damage those relationships we had in place, we dull them. Sometimes it's work... sometimes it's school... we're too busy doing what we have to do to keep up with what we want to do... we're changing relationships and changing lanes, one in place of another. We're prioritizing, like it or not.

So I must admit, to the friends out there, and on here that I've not forgotten you... or the times we had, the times we will have, and the times we've forgotten that we had. Gotta love pictures for that.

there a handful of you that we hardly ever talk anymore, but you're some of the most important and influential people I've ever known. They're doing their own things at their own pace. Perhaps some of our values, schedules, and priorities have changed. Who knows. We put each other on the shelf until we can take each other down, dust each other off, and pick up where we left off, but we're still very important to one another. I'm that person to someone else I'm sure. I can't knock people I haven't talked to for not talking to me, after all... I only have a two week shelf life.

And that's all I gotta say about that....

and then there's the group that i am privileged to know, able to be in contact with, and have nights that turn into the stories that will be told over and over, with the same laughs, same groans, same eye rolls.. for years to come. that group is growing... rapidly, intensely, and excitingly. crazy that after all this time, you ALL.. old and new friends... are pieces in the puzzle of my life. you all touch each other either directly, or indirectly. i can't explain how much you all mean to me. i love you all.... eye rolling and everything.