Each person that I’ve ever allowed into my life, in the sense of my secrets and what makes me me, has had to prove themselves worthy to be partial to what it is that embodies me.
I think the hardest part about closing a chapter on a relationship where you sorely underestimated someone’s character, is wondering if you’ll make that mistake again.
Instead of trying to understand the mistakes, the faults, the who did what, and the who are we going to blame, I’m trying to take away the things that made the relationship worthwhile in the first place.
I am usually a very good judge of character, and I don’t typically allow those who would prove to be not worth my time, past my front door.
I will be friends with just about anyone, but I will not allow those relationships to go past a certain point unless I feel it’s been earned, and the respect is mutual.
I am using this post as the last chance to say I am no longer going to let what has happened turn me into the person that I was starting to become. I am not an angry person, I am one of the craziest and out-going people you will ever encounter. I am not a revengeful person, I don’t seek to destroy others in my quest for coming out on top. I don’t believe in dragging people through the mud to fulfill my own agenda of hate.
And I’m not the type to use anything other than truth when I’m forced to reason with those who may seem unable to be reasoned with.
I am a happy person.
everyone has a reason for what they do.
I may never know that reason, but I will be able to walk away knowing that my own character wasn’t tarnished, and I have nothing to be ashamed of.
So with this, I close a chapter on a portion of my 30’s and hopefully start over with a clean slate.
Knowing I was a good friend; I don’t think there’s anything more that I can do.
today, i don’t want to be an employee, a boss, a daughter, sister, wife, or productive member of society
i don’t want to talk, or fix, or pay bills, run errands, or do housework, or answer the phone
i’m not worrying about this, or that, or what could be or what was, or what will be.
and i’m certainly not caring about starting sentences with prepositions, or if i even spelled that wrong, or run on sentences, or caring that i really could have looked up another word besides sentences.
i didn’t vote today. no excuses. it’s my day off; i could have made it. there’s still plenty of time; in all honesty, i just. don’t. care.
i’m tired of it all. don’t get me wrong, i am proud to be an american. except for the endless mudslinging, the lies, the dems vs. reps. vs. independ. abortion, gun control, tax breaks, tax hikes, vote yes, vote no, vote for me, wars, budgets, nuclear arms….dear night. that’s not even anything compared to the big picture.
i’ve lost track of what the real issues at hand really are.
if someone could please break down the issues into black and white, A and B, with out a voice over that isn’t paid for by “the friends of”, or “the party of the betterment of”. simple. easy.
party A stands for this. No pictures, no male or female, no party labeling.
same with party B. and party C.
I’m not saying that you all don’t have it figured out. if you follow the politics, and you have a passion for the politics, and you know what you get out of the politics… welp. i’m very happy for you.
personally, i see too many lies, people promise and don’t fulfill, the public gets angry because they couldn’t get coffee because they were instead at the poles, the cool kids pick on the dorks for voting for the wrong guy. all the noise, Noise, NOISE.
it’s a rocking chair effect, it gives you something to do, but are we really going anywhere?
i don’t know anything about politics. i’ve never claimed to. i partially blame myself for “not getting involved”, but i mostly blame society for not being able to have a rational discussion with me about it. there’s always finger pointing, yelling, and the heated discussions that seem to go nowhere. the “I don’t know i’m right, but dammit, i’m RIGHT” syndrome.
the world will still be corrupt, my tax money will still be spent on things that i have nothing to do with, and at least have of society will be angry for the next few years over not winning what they thought was the biggest prop ever to surface.
i’m ok with my choices. i’m alright knowing that i have my own agenda to follow. there will still be construction, and pot holes, and traffic problems… i’ll take a different route. there will still be wars, and budget problems, and tax issues…. i’ll do my best as a citizen to be understanding and pay them as i always have done.
today, it’s just not worth the effort to make an ill-informed punch on a card because that’s what a commercial told me to, or what my friends like, or how my father feels about something.
today, it’s not a battle to get out and have the guilt of “making the wrong choice” hang over my head and having a sticker to prove it.
today, it’s about having people who really believe that they know what is best for everyone else make choices. it’s about letting the people who are truly more informed cast the ballot.
today, it’s about my bathrobe and couch and movies.
"These cars — that’s a school teacher who thinks taxes are too high…there’s a mom with two kids who can’t think about anything else…another car, the lady’s in the NRA. She loves Oprah…An investment banker, gay, also likes Oprah…a Latino carpenter…a fundamentalist vacuum salesman…a Mormon Jay Z fan…But this is us. Everyone of the cars that you see is filled with individuals of strong belief and principles they hold dear — often principles and beliefs in direct opposition to their fellow travelers.
And yet these millions of cars must somehow find a way to squeeze one by one into a mile-long, 30-foot wide tunnel carved underneath a mighty river…And they do it. Concession by concession. You go. Then I’ll go. You go, then I’ll go. You go, then I’ll go — oh my god, is that an NRA sticker on your car, an Obama sticker on your car? Well, that’s OK. You go and then I’ll go…”Sure, at some point there will be a selfish jerk who zips up the shoulder and cuts in at the last minute. But that individual is rare and he is scorned, and he is not hired as an analyst.
Because we know instinctively as a people that if we are to get through the darkness and back into the light we have to work together and the truth is, there will always be darkness. And sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel isn’t the promised land. Sometimes it’s just New Jersey. But we do it anyway, together.
If you want to know why I’m here and what I want from you I can only assure you this: you have already given it to me. You’re presence was what I wanted. Sanity will always be and has always been in the eye of the beholder. To see you here today and the kind of people that you are has restored mine. Thank you."
Jon Stewart in his closing address at Friday's rally. There it is—simple as that. Fight your instinct to polarize. Learn a thing or two from those who you think are different from you. Don’t be an asshole (-LonelySandwich)
I'm a political idiot, but I understand this. Bonus... a blog that I really didn't have to write, but says more than i ever could.
truthful tuesday. while i'd love to puke my dirty little secrets all over the internet, i can honestly say that's probably not the best idea i've ever had. you'll have to settle for more of my tamer stuff. today i'm dealing with quotes.
some of the coolest people i know quote things right off the cuff. inspirational, or music lyrics, or entire book paragraphs (i used to quote an entire page from The Babysitter's Club because it was obnoxiously impressive, not because it was outstanding literature.) i admire people that can whip out a quote at exactly the right moment...that exact moment when you want to punch them in the face because the last thing you wanted to hear was something good ol' ben franklin said when his life was a little tough. anyway..
i will fall madly in love with you if you quote movies. i'm not talking about running away with you and having your babies madly in love, i'm just in love with you and your knowledge of them. it shows you're smart, witty, and have impeccably good timing. a well placed quote earns you 50 cool points and 10 gold stars.
mortuary school was (at times) tedious. i was so lucky to be surrounded by moving quoting savants. we even came up with a few movie quoting quizzes (which may or may not be the reason i didn't understand accounting). good friends laugh at your stupid quotes; the best friends finish the quote for you.
there's a few things i've learned over the years from the masters of this gift.
* one can't just pull out any movie ie.don't play the "Gone with the Wind" card when the obvious card was "Casablanca". you'll just look like a fool. then we make fun of you. (and quote some Adam Sandler movie about what a douche you are..... see how that works?)
* seeing above, one needs to know a wide array of movies. if you want a hundred cool points, know the year and director to back up your credibility.
* seeing above (again), there are only a select few movies that can be quoted indefinitely. this is sometimes touchy as preferences vary from individual to individual; genre to genre; situation to situation. a few of my favorites are as follows (in no specific order): Can't Hardly Wait, Sixteen Candles, Star Wars, and Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure.
side note..... along with my music, i've never ever claimed to have fantastic taste in motion pictures.
some movies that can (and should) be used frequently (i'm not italicizing.. you get the point *Jaws
*Animal House...
*National Lampoons European Vacation, or Christmas Vacation. no more.
(no one will have any clue what you're talking about)
*Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. no singing.
*Ferris Bueller's Day Off
*A Christmas Story
*Fight Club
*Wayne's World
*Clerks
*Caddyshack
*Monty Python/ Holy Grail/ Life of Brian.
ANY (yes, ANY) Adam Sandler movie....... but especially Billy Madison.
*there's no need to preface your quote. the best ones come at a time that's usually highly inappropriate.
* if you do choose to take the highly risky, often unobtainable accent that the quote needs... be cautious. the accent makes or breaks it. i can pull off an exact "Elllioooot" from ET. but that's about it. nothing is sadder that some one trying to pull off a Joe Pesci, only to sound like a Jim Bruer version of Pesci.
Also, be sure of the dialect..... nobody can figure out a german/canadian/pirate when it should have been italian.
if there's something that doesn't make sense on my page, it's probably a movie. if i say something to you that makes less sense than usual, it's probably a movie. if you respond in quote, finish my quote, or trump me a quote..... i will probably be in awe of your brilliance.
i have a really hard time saying "no". i get it from my mother. i suppose it's not the worst quality i possess, but i fight with it. "hey jen, could you give these flea ridden cats a home?" yes. "hey, jen. .. could you pick up a shift in between your other jobs?" yes. "hey jen, could you stick your hand in the drain since something probably died down there a year ago and i lost my earring?" yes. i should probably just walk away any time i hear "hey, jen".
the "yes, man syndrome" has consequences....although i'm hopeful that there's a gabillion gold stars in my karmic future. i work too much, i sacrifice time with family, i dig through dumpsters for perfect strangers dental devices, and clean up other peoples messes....literally and figuratively. i'm somewhat of a human bandaid; the mediator. i'd prefer to label myself as the voice of reason.... but for fear that would make me a giant liar. my reason and logic are perfect in my head, but my lack of filter often causes trouble in translation. (i don't mean any harm to you (usually. you'd be plenty aware if i did. no misunderstanding there)). the result is me also making poor choices. this isn't going where you're expecting. actually, i've completely lost my train of thought and have no way to bridge these 2 segments together. i don't know where i was going.
i'll just cut to the point (? point? really? ignore that. no point here. ever) poor choices and music.
i've never really been "known" for anything. i'm not the girl with the great fashion style, or the employee that rolls silverware perfect, or having a photographic memory, or having the laundry done and put away (that's REALLY funny). if anything i can stake as my *claim to fame* is my exceptional taste in poor music. some would probably argue that it's my exceptionally poor taste in exceptionally poor music. i'm partial to the former.
my argument is the basis that music represents a time in my life that was meaningful. a melodic time stamp, if you'll allow me. i can hear a song and remember where i was, what was happening, and the exact emotion i felt (and still feel) from it. happy, angry, excited, confused, in love, hating love...etc etc.
i like visual examples. i will hereby project visual examples onto your screen and earworms into your canals. you can thank me later.
i blame MTV for starting me off with this. i'm 4... and very impressionable.
my first cassette tape. my first true loves.
the first song that i ever danced with a boy.... 7th grade. we "broke up" after mili vanilli did. he gave me a New Kids on the Block tape. (i'll spare you that video..i guess because this one is better?)
the song from high school... the boys, the jobs, the boys,the football games, the boys
oh look.... we're cruising westnedge. looking for boys in my parents delta 88. we're also at keggers bar. a lot.
i'm a freshman at WMU. there's no way you can prove that we stole these cafeteria trays to sled down the valley 2 hill with, officer. and who punched a hole in the fire extinguisher glass, boys?
i'm divorced. and i still hate this group.
i partied too much, never came home, and had the some of the best years of my life. this song says it all.
i broke up a life long friendship due to an argument over this. true story. they're still not very close friends.
this. just this.
i'm growing up. i "get" this. it kills me every stinking time.... my heart is in here.
this. is. my. anthem. THIS IS ME.
i could do this forever. i love this. judge me all you want. my cd collections are jumbled, sporadic, seizure inducing mixes of mayhem. they tell my stories, speak the words that my heart can't find in it's pain,... make me laugh that i, at one time, could cabbage patch and roger rabbit along with my friends to vanilla ice. music is my boyfriend. my first love, my perfect love.
it's bad music.... i know. make fun all you want, but be a teeny bit jealous... can you reply your life via your ipod? after all, it's my music, my life. same as it ever was.
""Lots of people talk to animals," said Pooh.
"Not that many listen though."
"That's the problem."
(The Tao of Pooh by Benjamin Hoff)
the entire book is full of genius.
i'm fortunate to have people in my life that can understand me. we're all complicated creatures....extremely complicated. you're a very fortunate person if you have people that continue being friends with you after they find out who the true you really is.... if you've dared enough to expose your soul to them. i am lucky to have a few people in my life that sense when i need them. they can read between my writings and see what my mood really is. they have the uncanny ability to call when i was thinking about them. there's an understanding there; a comfort; a simplistic complication of trust, chemistry, and acceptance.
a true friend tells you the truth about you. they make you analyze yourself, push you, and somehow, you end up bettering yourself. ideally. unfortunately for the ego, this is awful. i've learned that i'm stubborn, opinionated, kinda bossy. i also am demanding, hot tempered and have extremely high levels of expectations for other people-sometimes unrealistic expectations. in all fairness, i didn't need to learn this- i know this. but i needed to hear it. we ALL need to hear it.....if not to be humbled then to improve. these are characteristics that i am actively working on (i really am. really). with the "negative" feed comes the positive.. the ying and yang. the perfect balance. i'm also considerate, a deep thinker, the eternal realist, a consistent loving listener and strong giver of advice, and the reliable sense of humor (dark humor... and often poor humor..but humor). i also push people to open up and be the best..to be what i see inside them. and i give great hugs.
struggling with some of these concepts lately, my phone rang. the wise soul that quoted to me earlier is on the other end. aforementioned soul (hereby known as "soul") "knows" me, the real me...flaws and perfections. the conversations are and have always been deep,intense, heated, competitive (in the best competitive way). soul listens while i jabber on, questioning questions and (over)analyzing splitting hairs. soul says to me something that soul has said many many many times to me (that may be my most favorite thing i have ever written right there) "Jen, stop. JUST BE."
i've heard this for years. and for the first time.... i listened. i stopped. i took a week off of analyzing (A WEEK! i know! ) i let the chips fall where they did. i didn't push, or pull, or argue, or debate. i didn't analyze, scrutinize, or any other type of "-ize" . i simply was. i was be (it makes sense.) . one of the best pieces of advice i've ever taken. in the quiet of my mind, i listened to myself; i heard myself.
it's been a couple weeks since i was just be (it makes sense). life gets crazy, the voices get loud.... the just be gets pushed aside a little, but i'm finding it's getting easier to apply the just be.
"You'd be surprised how many people violate this simple principle every day of their lives and try to fit square pegs into round holes, ignoring the clear reality that Things Are As They Are."---The Tao of Pooh
"Everything has its own place and function. ....... When you know and respect your Inner Nature, you know where you belong. You also know where you don't belong"--The Tao of Pooh
So there you have it. a few simple words to change your life. Just. Be.
LISTEN to the people in your life... HEAR what they say...... in doing so LISTEN to yourself, HEAR what you say.... i will continue to just be. i don't need to run the world, or babysit the public.(i will however continue to be darkly humorous and roll my eyes)..... the only thing i need to concern myself with is just being. the rest will fall in place.
thank you, soul. you're pretty darn fantastic...and wise beyond your years. i am incredibly blessed and humbled to have you in my life.
"While Eeyore frets ...
... and Piglet hesitates
... and Rabbit calculates
... and Owl pontificates
...Pooh just is."
it's that time of year again. the leaves are changing, the air is crisp in the morning, and there's too much Halloween candy at my disposal. i used to love Halloween. we never bought our costumes, we always made or borrowed them. i suppose it didn't matter what we wore, because we always had to cover it up with winter jackets or layer it over long underwear and sweatshirts.I'm pretty sure there were a few costumes over snowsuits and boots. times have changed, the weather in Michigan doesn't..... so I'm wondering why these girls run around in no clothes on Halloween.
now... before you think I'm about to get all preachy...I'm not. i don't care what you do, or who you do it with, or how you do it. your life.... your shit. i don't mind that you wear a bra and panties and run around at parties calling your costume "Victoria's secret angel" or "super sexy construction worker" etc. etc. i just want to know WHY you would subject yourself to the cold.
don't get me wrong..... i was once in my 20's with a tight little body that gravity hadn't sunk it's dirty little claws into.. i've worked in a few restaurants with semi-questionable attire. I've bartended at places where we hula hooped or line danced on the bar. i'm no stranger to late nights out, or massive hang overs, or the thoughts that go hand in hand : WHAT happened last night??? which is followed by: i'm NEVER drinking again. there's been stories, and fights...laughs and tears. .... i'm still known to "tie on one" every now and again. but this time, now, i'm not waking up on my couch with an ironing board, resistance band, and a bag of cheetos on me. i can't. it seems to take literally weeks to recover from a bender.
and then there's the respect i have for my husband's sobriety.
Halloween is a big deal in this house....not because I'm a funeral director (go on, split hairs... I'm working as a waitress, but i do have a funeral directors license. just be quiet and continue reading)...ironically, Halloween here is about life. Cory will be 8 years sober on Halloween.
his story isn't mine to tell. I'm only still beginning to understand so so so much of the life of an alcoholic and addict. i knew this going into our relationship there have never been any secrets; honesty is a very big part of recovery, so all my questions were respectfully answered. i ask a lot of questions. repeatedly.
this has been the most fulfilling/challenging/emotional/loving experience i have ever had. to put this in a nutshell, i have nothing but the utmost respect and love for any person that can put their life under the microscope, analyze it, and change it. all of it. every thought, every action, every concept. changed. wiped clean. start over. brand new,
working everyday to fight the only thing you have ever known.
unfortunately (well, fortunately. actually) out with the old. the old ways are gone and so are the old friends cory had. it's a touchy subject, but i'm braving the front. my husband is more important to me than the feedback i could potentially receive off this. i often get asked why cory is distant; why he doesn't hang out with his friends that he's known for decades.
because they will kill him. literally.
he's worked too hard at sobriety to make one move with the wrong crowd. he's smarter now; more self aware. he's too respectful to say the things i'm dying to get off my chest for his sake. so dammit... i'm talking about it.
i had this whole big diatribe written and erased it. my point is this (fair warning that my language WILL be graphic here)
exactly who in the fuck do you think you are offering to celebrate cory's sobriety by taking him out for a beer?
(this has happened on more than a few occasions.)
what kind of sick, diluted, souless shell of a creature are you that this is even remotely acceptable? it's a joke, you say. it's disgusting. it's like me asking your parent who is dying of lung cancer to go out for a smoke. see? not funny.
it's almost worse seeing it in writing, i'm so furious now that if i keep writing, i fear this could rival the infamous f-bomb rant from the "Boondock Saints."
what the hell. i'm in a mood.
so there's that. respect what he's gone through. respect him as a person. but most of all respect him as a sober, hard working, evolving, productive member of society.
ps. if you want to take somebody out to celebrate... take me. i've got a few good spars left in this gravity laden body.
i received my first journal as a graduation present. graduation from high school. remember pens and paper? (i'm only slightly older than stone tablets and the invention of the wheel). there's something incredibly therapeutic about going back in time in these journals (there's 7 of them, plus about 10 legal pads and COUNTLESS loose leaf papers). i look back and most notably, i see that my handwriting has changed drastically. it's grown up.
ahhhhh.... to be 17 and have the world encrypted in pink pen, the i's dotted with hearts and smiles as punctuation. the original emoticons. the universe was my oyster....shiny, promising, a blank slate. the majority of the entries that were of "earthshaking proportions" then (this boy said that, this boy doesn't know i exist, do i buy tapes or CD's, why are Girbaud jeans SOOO expensive, mom and dad think they know everything) are completely absurd to look at now. so naive. so simple. so..so...pure. so unscathed.
i left for college that fall. by left, i mean i moved from my parents house into the dorms at WMU downtown. a whole 4 miles. my journals went. college was awful.... i hated 99% of it..... why i left is another blog entirely. my writing in this time is scratchy, angry, unidentifiable. in 6 months, my pink hearts went to black rainclouds.... seriously. my i's are dotted with rainclouds. i was angry, hurt, empty, alone. my life was changing.
i got married shortly after i left WMU. that, my dear friends, is a blog that will never be written. it is a blog that is in my heart, mind and past that i keep to myself. if we are close, you know all you need to know. but a little snippet from then to (put things in perspective, i have about 3 full journals from after high school till the time i was married.) there is NO journal writing in the 3 years i was married.
after the divorce, the journals reappeared....as if with vengeance. i wrote constantly, feverishly, honestly, and heartbreaking. words poured from my heart, tears from my eyes. so many of these pages are blotted with tears...making the ink bleed. (you should probably know that i'm kind of a pen snob. ok. i'm a really big pen snob...i'm also a wine snob, a shoe brat, and a purse whore). the things i wrote for these years are in a strong, confident, precise script. in this time, i kissed my far share of frogs and still wrote about stuff that was ironically the same as before (what did he MEAN by that, why doesn't he understand blahblahblah, why are cars SOOO expensive, why are mom and dad ALWAYS right)
i quit journaling sometime after one of the frogs thought he had the right to read what i had written. he breached my trust and took the liberty of picking my brain and my thoughts, my fears, my hopes, my dreams, my complete rawness.... by reading them. as we all know, trust is something you work a lifetime to achieve, but takes a split second to destroy. i may forgive, but i never forget why i forgave. unfortunately, he ruined it for the whole class. never ever again would i write down in my little books my heart. it's not that i don't trust them around now, but i will never be put in that position again.
i am so grateful for this blog. i may not be funny all the time. i may not be PC, or fair, or strong, or right. and i may start sentences with prepositions. but (see? i did it again) it's MINE. it's my thoughts, it's my heart. it's real, and open, and honest and scary and wonderful and full of horrible grammar and terrible run-on sentences and lack of punctuation. i'm past the hearts and smiles, past the rainclouds....
i'm stronger. i'm confident. i know where i stand, what my strengths and weaknesses are . i know what i offer, what i need to improve and my standing on many issues. looking through these last few blogs, i've noticed that the basic things i thought were the BIG deals, the things i thought were NAIVE, are exactly the things in life that will always be there, i just didn't know i knew it...... the males won't understand the females, everything is ridiculously expensive, and mom and dad have always been one step above brilliant.
i've also learned one more important thing. you can take a lot of things from me... a piece of my heart, a tear in my trust, and falter my steadiness for a minute....... but you will NEVER take my pink pen from me.
i appreciate your ideas for my challenge. however, i feel that i have been misread on a few accounts..... i don't have time to watch a lot of TV and second, when i do somehow manage to find a sparse minute that i can sit down and watch something that's been DVR'd, 99.98% of the time its something off the history channel or a&e. no offense to you that watch the so called "reality" shows, but i find the last thing i want to do when i find time is watch MORE jackasses running around.... i see enough of that on a daily basis. besides, mom said if i role my eyes too much-they are in danger of staying that way. i'm scared that they have become severely close to that edge.
i did receive a few unbelievable topics that i can not WAIT to get into. wow. i love love love the way you guys think. all these fun, intreguing, complicated little (big?) brains running around... it's no wonder i adore you all.
my winning brain teaser was this: to get a sense of personality traits... specifically the view of an introvert ( we'll call him Mr. M) from an extrovert (me) and vice versa.... also what it's like to see things differently. at least that's what i understood (Mr. M is incredibly smart and i was so excited about this chall.... nevermind. point.)
let's define the bases, shall we? my "vast" knowledge of computers shows the "cut and paste" philosophy. just follow.
INTROVERT....Contrary to what most people think, an introvert is not simply a person who is shy. In fact, being shy has little to do with being an introvert! Shyness has an element of apprehension, nervousness and anxiety, and while an introvert may also be shy, introversion itself is not shyness. Basically, an introvert is a person who is energized by being alone and whose energy is drained by being around other people.
Introverts are more concerned with the inner world of the mind. They enjoy thinking, exploring their thoughts and feelings. They often avoid social situations because being around people drains their energy. This is true even if they have good social skills. After being with people for any length of time, such as at a party, they need time alone to "recharge."
EXTROVERT....Most people believe that an extrovert is a person who is friendly and outgoing. While that may be true, that is not the true meaning of extroversion. Basically, an extrovert is a person who is energized by being around other people. This is the opposite of an introvert who is energized by being alone.
Extroverts tend to "fade" when alone and can easily become bored without other people around. When given the chance, an extrovert will talk with someone else rather than sit alone and think. In fact, extroverts tend to think as they speak, unlike introverts who are far more likely to think before they speak. Extroverts often think best when they are talking. Concepts just don't seem real to them unless they can talk about them; reflecting on them isn't enough
it's probably no shock that i am probably a poster child for the stereotypical extrovert... lampshade included (not recently...). i'll talk to anyone. about anything. usually until they get annoyed and leave. i really like debates (ok, arguments. friendly fire, if you will). i make my money by being quippy and "funny" (relative term, i suppose). i'm pretty darn comfortable in any social situation, so much so that i NEED social interaction. however, being like this has it's faults. i've gotten myself into a lot of trouble with this mouth. my filter is lacking, i'm sometimes insensitive, and there's been more than a few scrappy altercations because of it.
i married an introvert.
he's quiet.... i do all the talking. he's a homebody... i'm out on the town. he's a thinker... i'm the doer.
he nods while i talk talk talk talktalktalk. he analyzes... i over analyze or not at all.
there are a few things one should know about our beloved introverts.
*If a person is introverted, it does NOT mean they are shy or anti-social. Introverts have more brain activity in their frontal lobes and when these areas are activated through solitary activity, introverts become energized through processes such as problem solving, introspection, and complex thinking. Extroverts on the other hand tend to have more activity in the back of their brain, areas that deal with processing sensory information from the external world, so they tend to search for external stimuli in the form of interacting with other people and the outside world to energize them. There’s a deeper science to this that involves differences in the levels of brain chemicals such as acetylcholine and dopamine in extroverts and introverts, but I won’t get into that. *Introverts tend to dislike small talk. Introverts tend to love deep conversations on subjects that interest them. They love to debate, go past the superficial and poke around the depths in people’s minds to see what’s really going on in there. Most, if not all introverts tend to regard small talk as a waste of time, unless it’s with someone new they just met. This characteristic probably contributes to another misconception that extroverts have of introverts - the misconception that all introverts are arrogant. *Introverts do like to socialize – only in a different manner and less frequently than extroverts. introverts can do a lot of things extroverts are naturally good at - give great speeches, schmooze with everyone, be the life of the party, charm the socks off of total strangers - but only for a short period of time. After that, they need time for themselves which brings us to the fourth point.
*Introverts need time alone to recharge. Extroverts tend to think introverts have something against them as they constantly seem to refuse generous invites to social engagements. Introverts do appreciate the offers, but it’s just that they know it will take a lot of energy out of them if they pursue these social functions. *Introverts are socially well adjusted Most introverts are well aware of all the social nuances, customs, and mannerisms when it comes to interacting with other people, but they simply don’t choose to socialize as much as extroverts, which makes it easy for extroverts to assume that introverts are not socially well adjusted, as they have not seen much evidence of them interacting with other people. This just exacerbates previous misconceptions and gives way to labeling introverts as nerds, geeks, loners, etc.
it's pretty easy to see why society places a "higher" value on extroverts. absolutely UNFAIR and a load of rubbish. being one way or the other isn't "right or wrong" just different. it's a respect thing. one human showing respect to another for being HUMAN... unique, true, open and honest about life and their emotions (freaked you all out again. emotionemotionemotion)
thank you, Mr. M. you've opened up my mind to a whole new concept of life on the quiet side. i can't say that i'll stay here long, but the 30 minutes i've put into this in silence has left the male introvert in this household VERY happy.
